Denise Forte, LCSW, is a psychotherapist with an office in Berkeley. She works with individuals and groups.

Spring is here. Are you here, fully engaged with the people who are important to you, living in a way you find meaningful, and purposeful? If not, now is a good time to get started. It is difficult to make changes, to know where to begin, often to even know what to change. Sometimes all you have is the feeling that something is not right. Here is a three step process to help you move from that vague uncomfortable sense of "something is not right" to a better sense of self.

Step one is the context. In this step you start by asking the big question: What do I see my life being about?

In order to answer this there are several smaller questions to ask yourself:

  What is important to me?
  What gives me a sense of purpose?
  What makes me feel alive?

These questions are not always easy to answer, but there are tools to help you focus inward and increase your awareness of yourself, so that they can be answered. To help my clients do this I use many of the exercises in The Creative Journal: The Art of Finding Yourself by Lucia Capacchione.

In step two you set goals that will help you achieve what you have defined for yourself in step one. The purpose of goals is to break down a large concept into smaller, achievable steps; they act as guide lines, telling you what to do, how much to do and when or how often you will do it. When you set a goal, ask yourself the following questions: is it specific, is it measurable, is there a time frame, and most importantly is it for me? You are not very likely to achieve a goal you set to please someone else.

Finally, the third step is to observe yourself, and your actions. As you find yourself reacting or acting in certain ways, ask : What are the consequences of thinking, speaking or acting in this way? Are these the consequences I desire? Do they bring me closer to my goals and closer to being the person I want to be or living my life in a way that is meaningful to me?

Many people find that it is useful to get support during this process. Depending on what you have set out to achieve in step one, it can be as easy as having a friend check in, or it might take a larger commitment like being in a support group, or seeing a therapist.