'Am I Weak If I Seek Therapy?'

Dear Dr. Perez,

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels in life. If I get therapy for help, does that mean I'm weak?

If you are seeking help today, you are a sensitive, caring person who has had more than your share of pain and misery in life---and not enough support.

When you were a child, your parents or other caretakers may have been overburdened with their own problems---financial, medical, or other---and unable to tune into YOUR feelings and needs. Neighborhood crime or political upheaval might also have existed. As a result, you may have been hurt emotionally or physically, and nobody was really there to help. So you did the best you could--- alone.

As a grown up, unfortunately, life might have continued to hand out hardship—bad health; loss of loved ones through accident, illness, or estrangement; abuse or abandonment; job or money problems; war; etc., etc.

Throughout all of this you may have felt so overwhelmed that you couldn't stay with the pain. We all have breaking points. So, in order to survive, you might have tried to lessen your suffering by self-medicating with alcohol, cigarettes, other drugs, or compulsive activities. You could have become so incapacitated that you ended up in a hospital, which may have been helpful, unhelpful, or downright dreadful.

But no matter what happened to you and what mistakes you've made, you remain a sensitive person who suffers too much and deserves more out of life. And you have strengths, many more than you realize:

• Strength to admit your faults
• Strength to care about those you may have hurt
• Strength to get back in touch with what you really want in life.

Though the past is past and cannot be changed, you are not too old to begin a new chapter of your life. And unlike when you were growing up, you don't need to do it alone. With support you can learn:

• To curb self-destructive patterns
• To speak up and let others know what you want and need
• To move past anger and resentments that bog you down
• To not be afraid to cry when you feel sad
• To put energy into healthy relationships and weed out of your life people who are insensitive, uncaring, or destructive
• To gain skills that can start you on the road towards being a productive, responsible person
• To engage in activities that bring pleasure and meaning to your life
• If you have children, to be a good parent to them—like the one you should have had when you were growing up.
• To enjoy your one-and-only life in this imperfect world.
  Always remember that you have choices. Don't build up any more regrets.