Biology of Love

By Janis Ericson

The common expression "madly in love" is more than just a metaphor according to research that suggests falling in love has physiological similarities to some mental illness. In the early '90s, Italian researchers showed that subjects who had recently fallen in love had serotonin levels about 40% below normal, levels typical of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

But, unlike OCD, in the case of love the problem is that we can so easily recover. Love makes people bold and leads them to take risks they might not normally take. The lover's brain is flooded with dopamine, which, in the right proportions, creates intense energy, exhilaration, and focused attention, which is why, when you are newly in love, you can stay up all night, hike a mountain faster, and push the limits of your skills. Its joys can be all too fleeting, and understandably so — if this chemical state were to continue psychological damage could result, never mind the practical implications of falling behind at work, not getting enough sleep, losing track of time. Seriously, though, this phase of love is not physiologically meant to last.

So, biologically speaking, romantic love fades because of the way our brains respond to the surge and pulse of dopamine that accompanies passions and gets us high. It does appear, however, that couples in happy long term relationships do not persist in the OCD-like dopamine-drenched state of romantic love, but move on to a sustainable neuro-chemistry better suited for the long haul. Oxytocin is the peptide hormone that promotes a feeling of bonding and connection and is released during breastfeeding, hugs, and orgasm. Physiologically speaking, couples that are successful in finding ways to stimulate oxytocin release in each other are more likely to happily stay together.

The following are ways to stimulate the release of oxytocin, and thereby stay connected and happy with a partner:

• Hug each other often!
• Look at each other when you're talking or being intimate.
• Go on adventures together, like visiting new places, riding roller coasters, exercising together, or skydiving.
• Laugh together.
• Give each other regular massages.
• Whenever tension occurs, stop before it escalates into anger. Physically connect with one another (hold hands, hug, etc.), breathe together for a few minutes, then talk.

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