Her Secret Weapon

By Christine Waddell

My first Reichian Therapist and Instructor, Al Bauman, used to say: "It's your job to get the energy moving wherever it's stuck, however you can. If you keep that simple principle in mind, you'll know which tools to use." When a lovely young woman came to me with a cancer diagnosis, I was clear my intention was to utilize that time worn and proven principle to help her not only survive cancer, but go on to live a rich full life. A gifted artist, she'd been abroad studying art in Florence as part of a year-long exchange program. In the midst of intensive work on her year's final art project, she discovered an odd lump on her neck. It didn't hurt but once found, was troublesome so she went to see a doctor in Florence, more curious than anything. Upon examination it was recommended she return home to the U.S immediately where she had health insurance. The Italian doctor, obviously concerned, was unwilling to chance a possible diagnosis without the requisite tests he felt it better she have back at home, where necessary treatment could follow. Back to the States she flew, thinking she'd return to Florence in a week's time to complete her final project.

When she came to me, she'd been home for a few weeks and had the tests that delivered a diagnosis: Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 2A with at least 5 malignant tumors in her chest cavity and neck, the largest of which lay in her chest wall. At first we talked about this sudden twist that had turned her life onto a narrowing and very frightening course. She was stunned, while trying bravely to accept her circumstances, the painful procedures she was already enduring, and whatever might lie ahead. Of course it was a difficult reality to accept - she just wanted to get back to Italy and complete her studies. But as it is for us all, life happens while we're on our way 'somewhere else'.

Everything was moving rapidly towards months of chemotherapy. She was already scheduled to have a port put in her chest that would deliver the cancer fighting chemicals directly to her bloodstream. Meanwhile engulfing fear had to be met and known, especially while she kept a strong face for her family, which her mother especially seemed to need. Meeting the fear with her was easy because Reichian work invites all emotion as a normal aspect of life's journey and understands that healthy expression is necessary to well-being. We worked to befriend her fear, rather than to suppress or shrink from it, for fear faced and felt does not create reality, but rather becomes a powerful support to face appropriately what actually stands before us.

As one, then two rounds, of chemo wore on she weakened; having cancer and enduring its treatment became, by all rights, the focus of her reality. Finally, time came for another test to ascertain how effectively chemo was shrinking the tumors. The results were devastating. The tumors hadn't shrunk much in density or size. They hadn't grown, but they stubbornly remained. The deep work began now, denial courageously set aside. At age 22 she was fighting for her life. It was clear she could not rely on chemo alone. A memory that had been haunting her was of 6 months spent in Costa Rica some years prior. She'd had inexpensive lodgings next to the Dole pineapple plantations and the regular spraying of the fields wafted something through her open window that made her feel ill with headaches, dizzyness, and nausea. Being young and full of life, she'd venture out, feel better and forget about the passing 'sickness' until it happened again next time they sprayed. When she returned back to the states she forgot about it completely. We suspected her stay next to the chemical spraying seeded the conditions in her body to later develop cancer. Still, being a Reichian, I had to ask: "what makes it possible for the tumors to exist in your throat and chest and not somewhere else?" Our sessions began to focus on finding, feeling and moving - by expression - the feelings that had sat heavily on her chest for years, becoming stagnant, trapped energy. She began to literally feel a heaviness much like a wet blanket on her chest, making it difficult to breathe easy, or feel anything beneath it. It took courage to confront the prohibition that 'lived' like a weight there, and as she did, she began to sense the powerful emotion that lay beneath. With focused determination, she allowed the anger and grief to surface and be felt. Then we worked on liberating the appropriate, honest expression of these feelings that were literally stuck in her throat. Many of us carry 'withholds', remaining silent, so we won't hurt family members or break unspoken family rules. It's human to want to fit in, belong and too often we become the person our families need us to be, rather than who we actually are. Admonitions like: 'We don't talk about that.' 'We don't get angry'. 'If you're going to act (feel) like that, don't let me see your face.' 'Please don't cry, I just can't handle it when you're sad'. 'Get to the point.' 'You're so ... irrational, ... sensitive, ...crazy, ... '(fill in the blank). The unspoken dictums are oddly often the most heavily carried within us and the list is long of what we've been taught is safe and acceptable to express and what is not. Love and acceptance are primary human needs. We will travel a great distance away from our true feelings to procure these necessities. Yet science now supports that there is in fact sticky cellular residue created with unfelt, unexpressed emotion, and still we avoid what seems dangerous or unwelcome to feel and still be 'loved'. It takes society time to integrate a 'new' paradigm, whereas someone facing cancer doesn't have this luxury. Reichian principles directly address this kind of 'holding' in the body's tissues without judgment. So, on we worked week after week to find and release any stagnant, trapped energy, freeing this energy to be available to her body for healing and vital functioning. Sometimes she just didn't have the strength, but whenever she did, she was a relentless warrior. We also began the Simonton visualization protocol in earnest, following it to the letter. It seemed supportive to have someone listen carefully to what her visulaizations were, how she ended them each time, and reminding her to practice the technique faithfully.

She was midway in the second round of chemo when it was concluded that the change in tumor density and size hoped for was not occurring. She was then scheduled for a several week hospital stay when blood would be removed from her body, blasted with chemo, then reintroduced to her blood stream. It was to happen over the winter sacred holidays and felt like a terribly unfair, harsh blow. Then, several weeks later, during which time we'd continued our work, a P.E.T. scan was done in preparation for her hospital stay. No trace of cancer was found in her body. Anywhere. Cancer had completely disappeared at the cellular level. Her oncologist found her Lymphoma's disappearance inexplicable. She and I rejoiced, pretty clear what had happened. To this day whenever I check in with her, I recognize that she herself still does not fully understand the full extent of her own courage and determination. The roads she traveled down, few will go. Either they don't think it's necessary, have misgivings about the depth to which emotional work heals the body, or are too paralyzed with fear to do anything but put their full faith in chemotherapy. It's my hope that attitudes will change as the toxicity of our environment worsens, and cancer's incidence increases. We need all the tools we have at our disposal to fight 'the good fight'. What follows is a description in her own words.

"I feel blessed to have had Christine by my side at the time of my cancer diagnosis. She encouraged me to be proactive in my healing process, and began guiding me through the practices that released stagnant energy where the malignant tumors were growing. She saw right to the core of my disease and helped me create a new pattern of living, which led me to good health and complete remission. Christine has diverse knowledge from different cultures and many levels of healing. She seems to be able to spontaneously weave together what is most necessary in the moment to heal body, psyche and spirit. Although I did undergo chemotherapy, Christine was my secret weapon, helping me to pull cancer out by its root. My doctors were stunned by an unexpected, sudden disappearance of cancer in my body. She is a wealth of knowledge, yet constantly seeks information and growth within her field. Creative, intuitive and spontaneous, using many different tools, Christine's work is like a piece of art."

-Vanessa Nelson, Artist, Spokesperson for Nike project for Leukemia and Hodgkin's Research; 6 yrs remission at today's writing. March, '08.

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