'I'm having trouble staying in recovery!
Can you help?'

Dear Dr. Perez,
For some time I've done so well in my recovery, and I thought I'd truly cleaned up my act. But a few weeks ago, after much time alone and a visit with a particular relative, who I thought I could handle, one drink led to another and I was back to zero. Besides restarting a 12-step program and getting a sponsor, what can I do so I don't keep falling off the wagon?

First off, you are not alone. Give yourself credit for stopping your relapse, restarting a program, and now asking for help. And don't hesitate to utilize a day-treatment or even an in-patient program, if you need more support.

The important thing is to finally have the courage to start a brand new chapter of your life: to stay wide awake; to take full responsibility for yourself; to feel all your feelings; and to truly not "chicken out." I recently wrote this poem for an acquaintance who kept relapsing to the point where he almost lost his job and wrecked a relationship:

Stop Being A Chicken!
It's time to get off the merry-go-round,
To stand on your own, with your feet on the ground,
To face all your feelings, and stay with what's here
To not chicken out with a drug or a beer.

Or spending for junk, which you surely don't need,
Or running to sex, food, smoke or a weed,
Or staying obsessed with past jerks, who were slime
Or constantly busy trying to fill all your time.

If life pulls you back to being lonely and scared
When you were young maybe nobody cared.
But now stay awake with your mind crystal clear,
In order to keep only honest folks near.

At times you'll feel sad, at times you'll feel mad.
At times you'll be bored, or anxious, ignored.
Temptations and bad ones forever seduce,
Attempting to make your self-image reduce.

But just hang in tough: read a book; talk a walk;
Or find a good buddy with whom you can talk;
Or write down your thoughts so they're out of your head.
(Some day in your novel, the bad can be dead.)

In the past an escape may have been your lone friend,
But you're all grown up now, let that old cycle end.
Put the past in the past and stop dragging it in,
Or instead of being proud, you'll keep drowning in sin.

It's time to get off the merry-go-round
To stand on your own, with your feet on the ground.
If Scrooge could make changes, indeed so can you.
So stop being a chicken! Get out of the stew!!

Contact Dr. Perez directly—see her announcement on p. 109. Or send your question to Carla Perez, MD, c/o OPEN EXCHANGE MAGAZINE, 1442A Walnut #51 Berkeley CA 94709.
Email: openexchange@earthlink.net.