COUPLES & CLUTTER
By Alexandra Stratigos

I didn't think it was possible but, sure enough, I discovered yet another communication challenge between men and women. It never fails. I am working with a client, for this example, a woman. We are decluttering a space, usually her personal space (home office, closet, kitchen, etc). It is packed full of stuff (everyone else's stuff that got dumped in her space) and the space has become totally neglected.

By the time she transcends her shame and embarrassment long enough to call me for a consultation, she is overwhelmed, overworked, and feeling very resentful. Mad at everyone else that she is in this place, madder at herself that she allowed it. How did things get so out of control? She feels at the mercy of other people – her husband, kids, boss, co-workers... on and on. Their needs and wants mysteriously take precedence over her own. She feels like a pinball bouncing from one thing to another, usually everyone else's "thing," not the "things" she would like to be focusing on.

And then the moment of truth when I announce to her that she is the CEO of her life and home. She looks at me quite puzzled and the information bounces off her like a tennis ball against a wall.

It never ceases to amaze me. Here is a mature, highly intelligent, well educated, experienced woman who treats herself like she works in the mailroom. I can't tell you how many people I encounter who feel as if they have no power or control. Ironically, the one place they have complete power is in their personal environments. Yet they don't think to respect themselves enough to declare exactly how those spaces will look, feel and function.

I know, I know... I can hear you all now. But what about the spaces I HAVE to share? Like the closet or bathroom I share with my partner? Yes, we all have to share spaces with spouses, roommates, kids coworkers, etc. But I am talking about those basic spaces that we and only we create and use. Have you looked at your purse or wallet lately? Ok... I got one for ya – your car! Ah-ha! Gotcha!

It is so much easier to see someone else's clutter before our own. Let's say we have a couple who share a closet and one partner is messier than the other. Invariably the less messy will want me to "fix" the messier one. I always recommend that they completely ignore their partner's clutter. I also recommend that the couple designate separate areas within any space they are required to share. This way each party has the freedom to organize their own area without infringing on the freedom of the other.

It is fascinating to watch how clearing one's own space can influence another. The ripple effect is amazing. It's as if the people you share spaces with get uncomfortable with their own messiness after experiencing the feeling from a newly decluttered space. The tolerance for clutter gets shaken.

Let's get back to the CEO. If you truly thought of yourself as the CEO of your life and environment, you might:

• Take on projects that truly serve "the business" rather than saying yes when you would really rather say no.
• Delegate more and create a larger "support staff"
• Watch the "bottom line" closer and not spend needlessly to fill voids that exist because you aren't feeling powerful
• Dress the part and become more selective about the purchases you make that hang in your closet
• Lead by example, paying closer attention to the messages you are giving to "your followers"

Wouldn't it be great if couples thought of themselves as heads of this incredibly successful "business" called home?