Introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy

By Jay Earley

Internal Family Systems is a new form of therapy that is compassionate, inclusive, spiritual, powerfully healing, and deeply respectful of our inner life. It recognizes that our psyches are made up of different parts, sometimes called subpersonalities. You can think of them as little people inside us. Each has its own perspective, feelings, memories, goals, and motivations. For example, one part of you might be trying to lose weight and another part might want to eat whatever you want. We all have parts like the inner critic, the abandoned child, the pleaser, the angry part, and the loving caretaker.

IFS has discovered that every part has a positive intent for you, no matter how problematic it might be. For example, Bill has a part that is judgmental and competitive with other people in a way that is not consistent with his true values. However, when he really got to know that part, he discovered that it was just trying to help him feel OK about himself in the only way it knew---by feeling superior to others.

When you understand that a part has a positive intent, it doesn't mean that you give the part power. Bill doesn't want his part to act out being judgmental and competitive. However, using the IFS approach, Bill can relate to this parts with understanding and appreciation while taking the steps to heal it. This is fundamentally different from the way we ordinarily relate to our parts. Usually when we become aware of a part, the first thing we do is evaluate it. Is it good or bad for us? If we decide it is good, we embrace it and give it power. If we decide it is bad, we try to suppress it or get rid of it. However, you can't get rid of a part. You can only push it into your unconscious, where it will continue to affect you, but without your awareness.

In IFS, we do something altogether different and radical. We welcome all our parts with curiosity and compassion. We seek to understand them and appreciate their efforts to help us. We develop a relationship of caring and trust with each part, and then take the steps to release it from its burdens so it can function in a healthy way.

In the IFS system, "managers" are the parts you usually encounter first in exploring yourself. Their job is to handle the world and protect against the pain of the exiles. "Exiles" are young child parts that are in pain from the past. In the above example Bill had a manager who was competitive and judgmental toward others. It was trying to help Bill feel superior to protect against an exile part that felt inadequate.

Parts take on these dysfunctional roles because of what has happened to them in the past. Exiles take on pain and burdens from what they experienced as children. Managers take on roles in order to protect you from the pain of the exiles.

IFS has a method of understanding and working with these parts to release the burdens and heal the system, so you can function in healthy ways. It recognizes that each of us has a spiritual center, a true Self. This Self is naturally compassionate and curious about people, and especially about our own parts. The Self wants to connect with each part and get to know and understand it. The Self feels compassion for the pain of the exiles and also for the burdens that drives managers to act the way they do. The Self is also able to stay calm and centered despite the sometimes intense emotions that parts may feel. Everyone has a Self, even yours may sometimes not be very accessible because of the activity of your parts.

The Self is the agent of healing, the true leader of the internal system, and can love and heal each part. First you learn how to access the Self. Then the Self chooses a part to focus on. For example, Bill started out his IFS work by focusing on his Judgmental Part. With some work, he was able to be genuinely in his Self so that he was interested in getting to know the Judgmental Part. He found out that it was trying to protect an exile part of him that felt inadequate. Bill had a learning problem as a child even though he is quite intelligent and competent. So there was a young part of Bill that had felt inadequate in school. The Judgmental Part was trying to compensate for this inadequate experience by feeling superior to people. Bill had grown up in a judgmental, competitive home, so that was the primary model this part knew. As Bill got to know the Judgmental Part, he understood why this part acted as it did and appreciated its efforts in his behalf.

He then contacted the exile who felt inadequate. He listened and watched as this part showed him scenes from his childhood where it felt ashamed and inadequate because of his learning problem, and he responded to it with compassion and caring. The young part responded to this by feeling cherished and valuable for the first time. Up until then, it had been hidden away in Bill's unconscious, which only increased its feelings of worthlessness. With love from Bill's Self, this young part was able to release the burden of inadequacy it had been carrying and feel good about itself. This allowed the Judgmental manager to relax. It no longer needed to judge people to compensate for the exile's pain. This enabled Bill to respond to people in the way he always wanted, with openness and acceptance and a cooperative attitude.