Love's Secret: Stop Fighting & Make Love!

By Annie Benefield-Lawrence

Relationship mastery is not a fluke. Love's Secret offers a road map to self love and relationship mastery. Apply our proven solutions to stop the addictive pat-terns that cause 50% of couples to end in divorce court. Follow our case study and find three proven steps to cut love's nerve pathways connected to pain and drama.

Craving Love—Fearing Love: Bob had just met the woman of his dreams. Based on his past, he was scared to death he would "mess up" again. This time he wanted things to be different, not by chance, but because he had a plan and tools to deal with the fear of intimacy. He was terrified of love which kept him "commitment phobic," but had never realized his patterns. During our sessions he discovered his fear, and felt a deep relief that he could heal. In the past he had spent his time consumed with searching for the "one," the perfect mate.

Step # 1: Make a commitment to your own healing. You can then be a support within the relationship for healing your issues as a couple. Bob made a commitment to his own healing and began to cut the old neurological pathways that had love connected to pain and drama. In the past he felt he had to create pain and drama to gain the love and attention he craved from his parents. He felt sad that thirty years of his life had passed before he woke up and stopped this pattern. Unacknowledged fears draw your worst nightmare toward you. This fear draws a person who possesses the things that bother you most and may leave you feeling rejected and abandoned.

Step # 2: Clear hidden beliefs and old conditioning. Beliefs and conditioning are based on your family and environment and often are decisions made by an immature part of yourself who felt threatened and unloved. These old beliefs and patterns often push love out of your life. Bob cleared his "promise" to never trust women. He began to feel new trust and excitement grow inside him. He could now see himself succeeding and felt hopeful to experience love and build a mutually satisfying relationship for the first time. He had never made it to the altar even though he had been engaged three times. His deep fears of loss and abandonment had always surfaced and caused him to sabotage himself long before the wedding date arrived.

Step 3: Commit to love. Follow this shortened excerpt to commit to love:
"I, ______________, commit to owning and healing my baggage, so I can be emotionally available in this relationship. I am willing to keep my heart open, even when I feel hurt and threatened. In all cases I commit to expressing my feelings, although sometimes I may ask for quiet space to clarify what I am feeling and be present with my pain. I will communicate these feelings in a compassionate manner, resisting my need to project the pain and blame it on __________. When I communicate my feelings, I ask to be heard and acknowledged, even though you may not totally agree or understand...."