Writing the Truth

By Linda Joy Myers

"Truth" is a tricky subject these days, especially after the James Frey incident in early 2006, when truth and lie in memoir writing was in the national news and on Oprah. After deciding where to begin, the biggest challenges for writing a memoir, according to the people I have worked with over the years, are issues about writing the truth, telling the truth, facing the truth.

What is truth? Who defines it? How do you understand it? When we choose to write memoir, we are diving into the rivers of memory to come up with our own version of what happened. We are going to investigate the memoirist's journey through landscapes that are often fraught with stumbling blocks for the completion of our memoirs.

Writing a memoir invites us to reflect and explore who we are and who we were at a deeper level than ever before. As we begin to write our stories, we realize that our point of view, our "truth," is often different from that of our families. We discover there are levels of truth, and that some of them have been hidden in our unconscious, only to stream out of the end of the pen.

Did you grow up with these behavioral rules?
· Always tell the truth.
· Be honest.
· Don't tell lies.
· Honesty is the best policy.
· You will be punished if you lie.

Are these phrases familiar?
· Don't air the family laundry.
· Family business stays behind closed doors.
· Quit blabbing about your personal business.
· Stop that navel gazing.
· You have quite an imagination!

Many writers and other creative people have been the truth tellers/shit disturbers in their families. They were the different ones, the loudmouths, the ones who challenged the family rules and myths. Such people often grow up to have strong voices, ideas, opinions of their own.

In a very close family, one that is threatened by differences, the dissenting voice must be brought into line. Thinking differently, having one's own version of the truth, is perceived as dangerous to the established power structure.

We often stop before we get started, hearing familiar critical voices in our heads, warning us not to speak the truth. If you have been shamed, threatened, or shunned by your family for telling the truth, chances are you have a very strong inner critic that fights with your creative force and gets in the way of your full expression.

The inner critic strives to enforce the old rules—stopping us from writing down what we really think or having us pull back from the "real" truth. Over time, we become familiar with this negative inner voice, as with a difficult friend.

But if you are to write your truth, you need to trade in your destructive inner voices for positive ones and find an antidote to the negative programs of old. This may mean more autonomy from the family, or at least from the old version of family you carry in your mind, and a new relationship with yourself.

Harry Potter's Technique
My writing students tell me they are afraid the past will overwhelm them when they start writing. Writers soon become aware that what they intend to write is not always what emerges. Sometimes our writing takes us past the barred gates and unwelcome memories come rushing out. How can we cope with this new knowledge? How can we face our truths, no matter how unwanted?

Recently, as I watched a Harry Potter movie, I took note of a technique that helped Harry confront terror. He was coached to hold in his mind the best memory of his life while he cast a spell on a terrifying apparition that represented his deepest fears. If the positive image was not strong enough, the spell would not work.

I have suggested a similar technique to my students, though we have had to make do without a magic wand. I talk with them about light and dark stories. "Light" stories bring light and healing, happiness and hope, love and forgiveness; dark stories are about wounds that are still unhealed, pain, loss, grief, and fear..... Each time we face ourselves, who we are and who we have been, we build strength for the present and the future.

Start gently. Begin with your light stories and gradually call forth the dark ones. Tell the stories of your life in a safe way that inspires you to move forward, in your writing and your healing.