My Journey To Spirit-Love-Peace

By Anne Uemura

One of my earliest memories is when I was about 6, looking up at the night sky and wondering, "are you there God?" Feeling bad and feeling guilty, I was looking for comfort and a deep reassuring "presence."

As a teenager I was attracted to some caring folks who were talking about Jesus and "being saved." They touched some longing in me that I didn't know was there so I became a Christian.
For me, however, "being saved" quickly led to fears and guilt about doing things "wrong." Such as, was it still okay to sit in our traditional family Buddhist ceremonies? However, the fears dissipated and I enjoyed the ready friendships in our Christian groups and churches through my teens.

My inquiring mind was activated again in college and it burst my bubble. I began to question whether or not this Christianity, that I had embraced, was uniquely feeding my soul. I decided it was not.

Married in my 20s, a young East Indian guru's message found us way up in Maine. We liked what we heard from his followers, were initiated and started to do the "secret" meditation thing. I never found what was promised but rather I discovered what most beginning meditation students find: an incessantly chattering mind.

Then I stopped searching. Too much life was pouring in: family, work, divorce, single parenting, Ph.D. studies and career.

Some time in my 50s a break from fulltime work allowed me to explore new subjects such as alternative medicine, health, nutrition, herbs and healing. Reading Autobiography of a Yogi created a deep shift in my consciousness.

In the course of further studies, as a third year student in healing school, I was reminded of my past. The focus for the year was introduced—my relationship to the Divine. Almost immediately I remembered the longing I had when I was six. Gratefully and tearfully I began my journey with this longing as my beacon.

In the past five years I have appreciated studying the writings of many spiritual teachers, who basically teach from a non-dualistic, inter-faith perspective. Because of my commitment to becoming a fully conscious being I now understand so much more about my longing and my connection to Spirit.

I understand how fulfilling responsibilities became a single-minded focus of my adult life as a single parent and fulltime professional. However, sometimes my need for love or for partnership silently intensified to disrupt my focus during this midlife period. As a result I made many "mistakes" that taught me about myself and about having relationships. The most important lesson was this: the love I sought from this man or relationship was not to be found coming from the outside. Ultimately the only love that sustains and relieves suffering is found within.

I understand the difficulty I had in answering the question, "How do you see your life in 5 years?" I did not know. I hadn't found my "life goals" or "life purpose" yet. I considered a number of things including possible changes of career. Today, although I still cannot answer that question, I have an anchor to my explorations. I affirm my uniqueness and know that my purpose is based on my unique expression of Spirit within.

I understand that issues of feeling unworthy or undeserving and being alone or without purpose are real obstacles in the journey back to Spirit-Love-Peace. There is no spiritual bypass.

I understand that touching what is sacred and divine happens whenever we can be present to what is here. It can occur at any time and no matter who we are. When we lose ourselves in a rose or a sunset, in the freshness of the air, in the inspired performance of gifted artists, in the delight of a young child's laughter or in the gaze of a loving look, we have stepped out of our ordinary humanity.

Consider that there is nothing more important in life than to experience your connection with Divinity, Spirit or Love. Whenever you live with loving-kindness, compassion, love, wisdom or peace you are connected with this source.

Please consider taking the time and space, right now and every day, to make room for discovering your longing and accessing the Spirit/Love/Peace within you.