You're at a party or dance and you strike up a conversation with someone whom you find very attractive. This potential soulmate just might turn out to be a cellmate if they're saying "you know I've had a lot of therapy and I really feel that I'm ready for a healthy relationship." But what they're really thinking is, "I've got more issues than People magazine—want to subscribe?!"

So what really is the difference between a soulmate and a cellmate? In many spiritual traditions the metaphor of prison is used to describe the human condition. In essence we all live to some degree as prisoners of our own misperceptions and beliefs. Basically the lies we tell ourselves form the bars of our prison and because we can't see our own misperceptions these become our blindspots. We can't see the bars and so we don't know that we are in prison.

It's these blind spots that we have that cause most of the problems and misunderstandings in our romantic relationships. But blindspots are not all bad and do provide a kind of psychological security blanket. And if we find someone with compatible misperceptions, life's not so bad. But we still are "cellmates" living in our common perceptual prison, unconsciously supporting each other's binding misperceptions.

A soulmate relationship is quite different. A soulmate relationship is a real spiritual partnership, where each one ardently supports the liberation of the other. It's a conspiracy to help one another to breakout of the prison of misperception. This is accomplished by gently helping each other to see into the blindspots that imprison us.

This may sound very complicated given that so many people have spent years in therapy and are still struggling with their issues. The actual process of mutual liberation is quite simple: in order to find a soulmate, you must become a soulmate. To be in a spiritual partnership you have to learn how to practice spiritual partnership.
Here is how you can learn how to become a soulmate by practicing spiritual partnership:

Practicing Radical Acceptance of All Parts of Self
We can only love and accept another person to the extent that we love and accept ourselves. We can learn to radically accept ourselves by recognizing, accepting and releasing negative thoughts and feeling about ourselves.

Listening with Compassion
Most of us listen, thinking about what we are going to say next, judging the other person or sometimes just plain spacing out. Listening with compassion is an inclusive kind of listening, in that it includes the types of listening mentioned above and a new kind of listening that involves the Heart, mind and body. Listening with compassion allows others to really feel heard and seen.

Speaking from the Heart
How many of us really tell the truth? We get so caught up in our stories that it's sometimes hard to tell our fantasies from what's real for us. Speaking from the Heart is a way of saying what's true for us without a lot of explanation or intellectual embellishment. It becomes very natural for us to speak from the Heart when we are speaking to a person or a group that is listening with compassion.

Letting go of Defensiveness
Our defensiveness is what blocks our ability to be intimate with others. Letting go of our armoring is one of the most powerful ways to enhance any relationship. When we allow ourselves to become open and vulnerable, we signal that we are safe to be with.

Becoming Emotionally Responsible
Life is very challenging and sometimes when things seem to go wrong, we can get pretty darn upset! Being emotionally responsible means that when we are upset, we don't take our pain out on others. But sometimes we just lose it, and at those times we need to apologize quickly and forgive ourselves for being human.

These practices may seem difficult at first, because we haven't been taught how to do them. You learn these behaviors by actually practicing them with others, especially with those who are a little more experienced than you are.