|'Out Of The Ballpark' Valentine's Day Sex...
By Ellen Eatough
Ellen Eatough, sex and relationships expert and longtime OPEN EXCHANGE lister, offers this advice for having a fantastic February 14:
Remember the old baseball analogy that boys used to use to describe how far they got (or didn't get) sexually with a girl? They would talk about getting to "second base," "scoring" " or hitting a "home run." Hold this thought; I'll come back to it.
It is believed that about 90% of women and 10% of men have a fundamentally yin, or feminine, sexual essence, so I'll refer to women here. Yin sexual energy is like water, slow to heat up, but once boiling, lasts a long time. If a woman doesn't have a chance to get sexually warmed up and at least simmering before she receives direct genital stimulation, the full potential of the encounter for either partner is not likely to be realized.
Here are some possible scenarios of what may occur instead. She may show disinterest and withdraw. She may allow the sexual encounter to continue, but not enjoy it very much, which will probably lead her to being less interested next time. Or another, less understood, series of responses might occur. She may unconsciously draw upon her yang (or masculine) energy to help herself "get into it." Depending upon the woman, this may or may not help her get turned on enough to have an orgasm. She may have one or more clitoral orgasms, which is great, but if that's where it ends, she's only just begun.
The clitoris is the yang part of her sexual anatomy, analogous to the penis. Although I must stress that all women are unique in their sexual response, most sexually healthy women will tend to want vaginal penetration of some sort after clitoral orgasm. The vagina is yin (or feminine and receptive) and the access to her most creative, feminine reproductive organs and energy. If she has had to draw upon her yang energy to get going sexually because her feminine energy was not already stimulated and circulating, she may not be very responsive vaginally, or she may not feel her orgasms throughout her body. Once lovemaking is over, she may feel vaguely (or not so vaguely) unfulfilled and unsatisfied, or perhaps she'll just be starting to get charged up sexually. This is because her feminine energy did not get a chance to be fully heated and circulated throughout her body during the encounter. If a woman does not feel deeply peaceful, loving and open after lovemaking, her yin, or feminine needs are probably not being fully met.
Don't be fooled by a woman who has a high libido and demonstrates a lot of yang energy outside the bedroom. She may be great at "sport" sex, and drop exhausted and apparently satisfied after a sudden, passionate session. These are often the women who secretly long to connect with their deepest feminine being during lovemaking but need help doing so. When they do, their passion and responsiveness can build to even greater heights, leading to fulfillment they hadn't realized was possible. The lover who helps a woman access this part of herself will be appreciated beyond measure.
There's nothing wrong with the occasional "quickie," but realize there will be a limit to the range of satisfaction most women can get from it.
You need to run all the bases for the most deeply fulfilling sex. So be sure to balance any short sessions with long sessions of slow delicious gourmet lovemaking, prefaced with abundant appetizers of romance and affection, if she is to access the full range of her feminine sexual potential. After all, what masculine lover doesn't really want a partner who is fully receptive, responsive, ecstatic and, ultimately, fulfilled?
If you are a man or woman alone, this applies to you too. Try relaxing, pampering and slowly expressing physical love for yourself, gradually increasing your arousal once in a while. This can be much more satisfying than going straight for a "home run," just for the release.
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