Secret Keys To Keeping New Year's Resolutions
By Frances Oman

Frances Oman, MA, returning longtime OPEN EXCHANGE lister, offers coaching services, including a free introductory session.

It's that time of year again when we hear ourselves thinking: "I will, I will, I will overcome any obstacles to losing weight; getting organized; taking more vacations; stopping procrastinating; doubling my clientele; getting a better job...."

Or conversely we hear ourselves being resigned to there being no possibility of change: "There's just no point in making the same resolutions I made last year that I wasn't able to keep."

There are several things that can spell doom to your resolutions. One is when you make (or refuse to make) resolutions on top of disappointments and failures from the past. Both of the opening illustrations above could be examples of that. When we fail at something we decide that it means something inherently true about us. A thousand such experiences contribute to what we call our "personality."

Awareness is the key: in each moment be aware of whether you are "trying to overcome obstacles" or conversely "avoiding initiating action". You could enlist a coach, a therapist or a spiritual counselor to delve deeply into your personality qualities that are not who you really are.

Or it can be a moment by moment process.

Once you have located these qualities and seen that they are not inherently you, the next step is to take your own responsibility for them. This includes forgiveness of yourself and others. Now who you really are can emerge, a magnificent, powerful spark of the Divine who is filled with love and eager to spread that. This infuses your resolutions with inspiration.

It's Not Willpower

Another thing that spells doom to your resolutions is the assumption that it is your will power that is needed. We look at people who have succeeded and think it is their will power that made the difference.

If you closely examine successful people who have used will power, you will find that they are stressed and unhappy. Often they are driven by ambition, greed or power, and at the bottom of all that is fear. It could even be as simple as someone who has lost all the weight they wanted to lose. The fear that was driving them was the "fear of not looking good."

When it was will power that gave them success, it took great effort opposing their habitual ways, and the minute they let up, they gain it all back and more. Look at yourself for behaviors driven by fear; it could be fear of not being thought attractive, of not having enough income, fear of being alone, even fear of not making a difference.
When you are driven by fear, the body pumps adrenaline into your system, you become addicted to that drug. No amount of goal achievement or income production is enough. In addition, your work is very effortful and there is no serenity or satisfaction. You can even be driven when you are dedicated to an altruistic cause; that is what is called fanaticism.

If you look deeply at successful people whose work is easeful, who do have serenity and satisfaction, you will discover that there are two factors which are responsible for their success. One is that they are clear about their higher purpose and the other is that they have created a comprehensive plan which includes support systems to assure the plan's fulfillment. It is no longer a matter of force, but a matter of surrender and allowing support.

Are You Being Driven Or Inspired?

What is your individual purpose in life? What inspires you? If you were to take your brother's need as the measure for your action, what would you be doing with your life? Does everything you are doing with your life reflect your highest purpose? Do you have a concrete plan, designing your ideal life in harmony with your purpose?
Right here, right now, take a pencil and paper and start off the year with these concrete steps to fulfilling your resolutions:

Step one: Describe your highest purpose as you see it right now; you can refine it later.

Step two: List five things you intend to be or to have done or to have within five years.

Step three: List five things you intend to be or to have done or to have within one year.

Step four: List concrete actions that you promise to take within one month to fulfill on the above intentions.

Step five: Put on your schedule exactly what you will be doing this week.

Step six: Choose at least one way you will set up to be supported to come from inspiration and to fulfill your purpose with your plan.

One possibility is having a coach, who like a sports coach watches from the sidelines dedicated to you winning the game, and suggests "plays" that forward your life goals.

Or if you think you cannot afford it, at least get a goal buddy.

Or create a goals group that hires a coach once a month.

Use your chosen support person or persons to make promises to every week so that they will hold you accountable to what you say you will do.

Step seven: Organize your home and office so that they are only a support to you rather than a problem so that you free up your energy for purposeful work.

Step eight: Institute a comprehensive weekly planning session every Sunday or Monday.