"How do I know love is for real?"
Try The Desert Island Test...

Dear Dr. Perez,

I think that I'm in love—again. But I've been in love before and it didn't last. How can I tell if this time it's for real?

—Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

A healthy relationship based on true love must survive what I call the "Desert Island Test." If the two of you are stranded on a desert island with no one else around, do you have enough love, lust, and interests to keep life interesting and fun? If a desert island isn't handy, schedule an extended vacation away from friends, relatives, work, and other forms of entertainment and distraction. See how the two of you feel about each other when all you've got to do is concentrate on each other. Passing this test doesn't guarantee a lifelong relationship. However, if you get sick of each other after a few days or a week, it's a pretty good indication that you're not going to be celebrating any marathon anniversaries together.

When there's true love, you are there for each other through "thick" and sometimes a lot of "thin." When you put out your hand, you know that your partner will immediately take it. You don't play games or keep score. If either of you is involved in a particular project you assist each other—whether it's a business trip, a presentation, an art show, a job interview, or a fancy dinner. And the longer you're together, the more unthinkable it is to even imagine life without each other.

But along with the romance and joy, a good relationship is also filled with unromantic day-to-day tasks like grocery shopping, cleaning up the house, paying bills, and so on. Even when you are occupied with the mundane, however, doing it with your loved one feels far better than doing it alone.

Individuals in love will still disagree from time to time. When you do, decide which issues are worth debate and which are best to let go and forget. You should quickly drop arguments about where to park the car, who left a mess in the living room, and who didn't replace the empty toilet paper roll.

Accepting each other for who you are is like ordering the "Blue Plate Special" in a restaurant. If the special comes with mashed potatoes and cooked carrots, you don't get to substitute fried potatoes and broccoli. The meal comes as a package deal, and so does your partner. Happy relationships rest on a lot of love and good will—a balance between togetherness and separateness—in which you also respect each other's rights to space and privacy. It also helps to have a good sense of humor and keep nagging to a minimum!

So, if you really want true love, stay honest with each other and take the Desert Island Test!

Address your questions to Dr. Carla Perez, c/o OPEN EXCHANGE MAGAZINE, 1442A Walnut #51 Berkeley CA 94709, openexchange@earthlink.net.