'How can I stay sane
in these crazy times?'

Dear Dr. Perez: How can I keep my balance and stay sane in these crazy times, in this seemingly insane world?

Your question is being asked by many of us. What is going on in the world and unfortunately in our own country is indeed frightening. And as the new year begins, your own personal life may also be far from perfect, and possibly quite overwhelming.

To start off, daily events in the post-election news have revealed countless and continued deaths and tragedies---often related to dishonest, insensitive leaders here and abroad who are deceitful, feel entitled, have no remorse, and narcissistically exaggerate their achievements. This has sadly been true since man first walked on the earth.

In addition, for you personally, holidays could have been emotionally intense or even draining—not like portrayed in fairy tales. You may have had family disappointments, let downs by friends or loved ones, loneliness, etc. And the economy may have taken a toll on you indirectly or directly in low earnings, no health benefits, inadequate retirement benefits, or no job at all.

Critical at this point is to be fully aware of ALL your feelings, whether they relate to world, national, or personal problems. As is true in facing death of loved ones and other crises, you will move back and forth through disbelief and denial, anger and endless "if only's," and possibly much helplessness and despair. But you must move on to acceptance of the reality of what is—the good, the bad and the ugly. And finally, you must move into action:

1) Get perspective on your whole situation to avoid unnecessary despair.

2) Have backup plans for the worst scenarios.

3) As in twelve-step wisdom: "Change what you can; accept what you can't; and have the wisdom to know the difference."

4) Decide which battles to fight, personal and those affecting our world.

5) Keep making a difference—stay involved!

6) Make maximal use of today—"Live, love, and laugh!"

From "Reality," a poem I wrote after the election:

In a world with bad Bushes, cold Rice, evil wars;
HMO's, loss of rights, fear of layoffs, and closed doors;
We must always stand tall and never give up;
Taking care of our loved ones, refilling our cup.

Keep learning from yesterday;
Stay aware of tomorrow;
Live fully today;
And shed tears when there's sorrow.

And hope that some day there will be,
A world full of love that is free,

Where Bush's are banned,
And cold Rice is just canned,
And poverty has become history....

Though things may at some level feel bleak for all of us, as someone once said to me during a rough time in my own life (which I regularly pass on to friends and patients), "You can cry and give up, or cry and go on." So let's all stay involved and go on. And best to you for 2005!!