Healthy Relationships: The Truth Process for Men and Women Interview with Chris Anderson

By Maria Halyna

The Truth Process for Men and Women is a two-day workshop facilitated by Chris Anderson. Excerpted from a fascinating interview with Chris Anderson by Maria Halyna.

A man and a woman argue about their cars. The argument escalates without any agreement. The man drives his car into the back of the woman's car one day because it was his day to park in their favorite spot and she has disobeyed his request. The car became an obstacle to a healthy relationship.

Chris: To restore faith, to make for healthy relationships, we have to know what the center is: that which will hold a man and woman together.

Chris: Men and women are trying to come together today from different (imbalanced) positions that won't connect. They can't meet each other; they can't meet each other at the heart of things. And so they have a clash.

Chris: Yes. We don't know what the center is. Sometimes I call it the Eternal as well.

Chris: The eternal.

Chris: That would basically be the same thing. That would be the connective point where a man and woman could come together, a unity together and their relationship would hold. So that's the whole deal. how do we do that?

Chris: Unity comes together from opposition. I think one of the critical mistakes that we make is in thinking that we come together from a oneness (another word for unity)--as if we are all one or something going in—rather than our opposition or difference. That does not really work or even exit actually. We must come together from our opposition. and until we understand what the opposition is we actually can't come together into unity.

So we are trying to come together into unity from an unconscious positioning. it doesn't work. We have to know what our opposition is. what our difference is. precisely. from which we then can unite.

Chris: No, we have to know what our opposition is.

Chris: A man has to know what he is and a woman to know what she is. who they are as a man and as a woman for there to be unity.

Chris: No. Different issue all together.

Chris: It's not retaining who you are. the experiencing as it were is in knowing who you are as a female in opposition to who you are not (male). It's an abstraction It has nothing to do with your experiences in life.

Chris: That's correct.

Chris: A woman. in your case. the woman needs to know who she is as a woman in contrast to who she is not. The man is who she is not. So when she knows who she is as a woman then obviously the opposition is the man. Then the opposition is created.. its understood, brought to consciousness. and from that consciousness of the opposition the unity can occur. Unity will never occur until there is clarity of the opposition.

Chris: I define these terms opposition and unity. Nobody else has done that before. So whether it's a strong term or not it has to be defined.

Chris: Absolutely scientific in that sense. We haven't known what a male or a man actually is in the universe. what is his purpose universally. neither have we known what a female is in the universe. her purpose. There is a lot of stuff around that. But the fact is we haven't known what that actually is. If you were to ask somebody what a male is or a female is they really couldn't answer. They would give some vague generalities but they couldn't answer. If you ask, what is the purpose of male in the universe?.or what is the purpose of female in the universe? and why do these two. why are they necessary. for the functioning of the universe?. people can't answer.

Chris: There would be some generalities perhaps. but there wouldn't be a clarity. It's the generalities that are messing us up. we don't have clarity on that.

Chris: Well, the Age of Relativism. which means there isn't a standard to things. leads to collapse. The system cannot hold at the center.

Chris: The next age as I see it would be Man and Woman Balance. that is clarifying the relationship. so we can have the relationships we want.

Chris: Man and Woman Balance.

Chris: Relativism is the age when things aren't compared. when there is no standard. the age of.

Chris: It is. That's my point about it. the age of comparing that you are talking about comes from an absolutism not a relativism. which is what I suggest. The problem is the absolutisms from the past have not been balanced. It is our imbalanced absolutes that people are rebelling against. There has been an imbalance in the structure going in where we have one side or the other. But today the direction we are going is it that of no comparison. One word we use for that today is diversity. difference but without comparison. It is a disaster waiting to happen. My suggestion is that we go create a new absolutism where the parts are defined and balanced.

Chris: In a way.

Chris: How do we get there? We have to know who we are as men and women. and then the balance follows.

Chris: Once the terms are defined as it were, scientific as that sounds, the balance arises naturally. You see, when a man knows what he is, then he will know what he is not. And then when knows what he is not, he knows what he needs, as much as he needs himself.

Chris: He has to cherish her with his total life.

Chris:Yes. very easily. equal and opposite. That's the definition of balance.

Chris: Well. equality in the relationship means that they are both equal in the necessity to the relationship. there is not a superior or an inferior. They are equal in necessity. One does not exist without the other.That is to say, one is not without the other both are needed for the other to be. They are equivalently necessary to the relationship yet they are opposite in function or purpose to the relationship. When a man understands that he would say, "I can't live without you." That is what a man would say. He understands that he can't actually survive in any form physically, mentally, spiritually without his other.

Chris: Well, it's a very simple concept. We haven't made these abstractions so they are not even in our game. We haven't even languaged them. They are not in our consciousness at all. When you understand the balance then you create the definitions. It's no more difficult that 2 plus 2 equals 4. A child can understand this. It is no more difficult that a teeter totter, understanding the balance of the teeter totter.

Chris: Well yes. because they are both singularly imbalanced. It's like sodium and chlorine.if you look at sodium. by itself it isn't balanced. same with chlorine. When they come together and form a perfect salt they're in balance. once they form that perfect salt and they are in balance together.

Chris: Well, that's what we're made up of.

Chris: Mis-premise. This whole line of thinking. that we can find a wholeness within ourselves alone is a mis-premise.

Chris: Our relationship to the world is just a reflection of our relationship with this one other person. not the other way around. The world is an exact duplication of the balance, or lack there of, we have in our most immediate man and woman relationships. So if you want to save the world, you save your immediate man and woman relationship. It will never work the other way around.

Chris: Absolutely. Only relative to the balance that they hold together. The balance is the reflection, the mirror of the whole world. The world is a reflection of the degree of balance in relationships. That is how it is. That is how it always been and always will be.

Chris: The truth of the matter is that you are always involved in a relationship. That is the understanding of the eternal. It is an illusion to think that you are not with your other half right now. That is an eternal relationship that is occurring spiritually forever.

Chris: Yes, that is right. That is the other side of the take.when you understand spiritually that your are communing with your other throughout every moment of your life. So the whole idea that you are singular is bogus. No one is ever singular.

Chris: Understanding who they are as men and women, and creating a balance together. understanding that this balance is what makes the universe go around. There is a procreant element in here.

Chris: Yes, when a man and a woman come together, each touch. from each point of unity comes the next division. That is a procreant element. We might call it the reproductive aspect of the universe. Every point of unity divides again into the perfect opposition which will again unite. So that is the procreant or reproductive aspect of the universe. So the universe doesn't exist; we are creating it moment-by-moment.

Chris: It happened because the relationship was structurally imbalanced going in. It was structurally imbalanced because we have not made the correct abstractions in our minds to understand what the balance is. what the two are and so forth and so on. Make the abstractions; correct the imbalance. If you want the historical analysis of it it is this. Back thousands of years ago when we were on the planet basically in a preconscious state, we really hadn't identified our individuality at that point. We had more of a group or collective type consciousness, a tribal type situation. At some point over a period of hundreds perhaps thousands of years, consciousness began to manifest. How that happened is that people started to make an abstraction. Consciousness just doesn't come out of the ozone, it comes out of thinking, out of thought. People started to make an abstraction. They made one abstraction that allowed them to become consciousness. It always is the same abstraction that creates the beginning of consciousness. Historically what we call that age is monotheism. I am not going to give you what the specific abstraction is at this point. I would rather save that for the Truth Process program. But historically the age is known as monotheism, which we are still in I might add. The mistake made was that there are two necessary abstractions needed to be conscious, to understand the balance as it were. We have yet to make the second abstraction. That is what the Truth Process program is about, making that second abstraction. Once the second abstraction is made then it all falls into place. We understand what the balance is, all the parameter points of it. Until that time we are stuck forevermore in an imbalanced situation between men and women. All the introspection, all the psychology, all the praying, all the whatever, will not help put Humpty Dumpty back together again. The only thing that will work is the making of that second abstraction. So mankind, historically, has made the first abstraction. He is bogged down in an imbalanced structure or paradigm, and will be so until he makes that second abstraction. It is the second abstraction that will bring forth the the balance between men and women.

Chris: They are all monotheistic.

Chris: No, it is not a religious term the way I am using it. It is a philosophical term. They are all monotheistic from a philosophical perspective. It is not the religious perspective I am interested in.

Chris: So they are all the same. Doesn't matter if you are Buddhist, Muslin, Christian; it is all under the same banner.

Chris: In the scope of eternity there always comes a time when two life forms meet. A male and a female happen to step towards each other out of circumstance and instantly no questions need ever be asked. That is my response.

Chris: The easy version is, and instantly no questions need ever be asked. When you find your soul mate no questions need ever be asked. It is known. You see, the message of man and woman balance is a knowing. Maybe that is what you were asking about doubt. It is not a doubting; it is a knowing. When you understand the concept, from that point in time, we actually can start having a soul mate, for the first time perhaps, because the balance is known. When the balance is known than it can be experienced. We run into great confusion when we are trying to experience it when we really haven't defined it. I am not saying that some people don't feel the balance. The fact that we even have the idea of soul mate means that we do; the balance is intrinsic to us. But when we haven't defined it, it creates great confusion in the whole thing.

Chris: Both men and women need to understand, eternally speaking, that they are not alone. (I am not speaking religiously here.) They really need to bring that idea into their relationship. It comes back to the ideas of equal and opposite. Men and women absolutely equal in necessity to life and are absolutely opposite in function in life. There is not one thing about them that is similar although we both have similarities. We both breath, for example, but that is not the point. The point is our opposition. From there we can begin to truly cherish each other in that we know that we cannot survive without each other. that's what this whole message is about.

Chris: That's because the idea of differences has been used against women for thousands of years. Men have used their equated superior position on the teeter totter saying that a man by nature is superior to woman. So women today just cringe at the idea of difference or opposition because they have been stereotyped through that term as being lesser. If I was a woman, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near it myself. But we have to understand that we've been defining things from an imbalanced position going in. so these definitions have been used against us so much today that what we want to do is throw out all definitions altogether and go back to relativity. It is man and woman balance that will correct this. Man and woman balance is the balance of the universe. the eternal truth that we have been seeking.

Chris: I would have to credit Aristotle as the person who really laid claim to the importance of abstraction/definitions. He did so through what we commonly know as the laws of identity, non-contradiction, and the excluded middle. not to get into those right now. As you go down through history and see what some people were saying. you can almost put Aristotle and Socrates together and you would be pretty close to what I am talking about. Socrates has this wonderful quote which says: "Everything has its opposite and only one opposite." Although he is not really known for that quote, consider taking it to heart and putting it into the critical definitions that Aristotle gave us. You really have something. So what is being said in the popular culture to me doesn't have much significance.

Chris: the focus there is on the unity side. We actually know this today as feminism. masculinism being the imbalance on the duality side. The problem with feminism or Eastern thought is that they don't go to the next division. the next division into the male and female. Some may but it is most often under the banner of a greater unity. Unity by itself no more an answer than being in an imbalanced division. Unity in itself by itself becomes an imbalance. Unity doesn't exist by itself; it only exists in relation to a division. There is no singular universe or cosmos. A singular thing doesn't exist. Nothing exists of itself alone. Some people collapse into oneness on the unity side, like there's a universal oneness. Some people collapse into oneness on the individual side. It's all about me. Whether you collapse into oneness on the unity side or on the separation/division side. the imbalance is still the same. Either way, it is just as brutal and just as deadly to the man and woman relationship. That's why I'm so against oneness. It's the problem, not the answer.

Chris: Two full days.

Chris: They need to bring themselves. There will be a meal breaks and so forth.

Chris: If they would like that would be great.