From Japan To Berkeley: Coming Home

By Haruko Emoto

Japanese heritage, interpreted through my experience of abuse and pain in my family, distorted my vision of myself for a long time. I lived in shame, apologizing for my existence. I disliked myself and lived my life hiding. I blamed myself when the weather was bad! I felt responsible when anyone around me was unhappy.

In conflict with my shame, part of me was connected with my true self, fearless, passionate, courageous. It is a spirit that questions and searches for answers, "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" "What's my life purpose?" This part of me is deeply connected with nature, especially the sunset. I felt that the beauty and splashing color of a simple sunset were guiding me to the mystery of life: the mystery of my living on this earth. The sunset was and is part of my soul and spirit that gently whispers and guides me. I knew that as long as I could see a sunset I would be all right. I believed that life could be more beautiful and joyous than the struggle and hardship I experienced.

Because of my growing desire, faith, and commitment to discover the mystery of my life and to transform my shame, the door opened to my path of healing. Coming to America gave me the experience of a new dawn of light. America, especially Berkeley, represented a realm of all possibilities. Upon arriving in Berkeley I felt a deep sense of belonging; "This is my home!" Berkeley was like a nurturing mother who gave me acceptance, safety, and freedom to express myself without fear of judgment and punishment. This comforting space accelerated my healing. I was able to look at my life as if from a distance. I reviewed my patterns of beliefs, thoughts, attitudes and emotions from my childhood through adulthood and I was left with awareness and insight that these are only patterns, like condensed fog on the glass, obscuring who I am. Underneath is my essential self: timeless, clear and inspired to live my life authentically and joyously.

Through years of study and healing, longing and suffering, I discovered that the purpose of my life is to remember: remember who I am. You too can remember the truth of your being; remember you are loved; remember you are innocent; remember you are pure love. You are a spark of God/Goddess/All That Is incarnate. You are already enough. You are whole and powerful enough to create what you desire, nothing and no one can stop you. Your purpose is becoming; it is a journey into the completeness that one is. You are never separated from the Source.

In recent years, more important than any technique, has been my realization that change and healing occur by letting go and allowing myself to be carried along with the flow and energy of divine life. Through this process I have healed many fragmented parts of myself. Because of this, I believe that each of us can heal ourselves. My experience can be an inspiration to empower others in their healing. I see my life as a cycle of expanding and healing and, now more empowered, I assist others with their healing process.

In the spring, I am going to revisit my beginning where my spiritual journey started, Japan, to share my healing, to come full circle.