There is only one relationship...

By Carola Höchst

Carola Höchst is an international teacher of Women's Spirituality.

There is only one relationship... and that is the relationship we have with ourselves. The way we feel deep inside will determine the quality of relationships we have. Of course, it took me quite some time to really be willing to admit to this knowing. I came to find out, that many issues we are dealing with as women, come from the general conditioning of a deep, almost unconscious feeling of inferiority.

I remember a day many years ago, when I wanted to choose a male dentist over a female dentist because I thought he would be more competent. That was a wake-up call. After all, I had struggled through three decades of spiritual practice, becoming doubtful that these teachings might actually not fit the female nervous system. I had read book after book by authors, who questioned the existing masculine paradigm. And still here I was unconsciously giving more authority to a man.

The greatest insight came when I realized how my own mind took on a dominating role, overruling the intuitive knowing of my heart on a regular basis. I was fascinated to see how the invalidation of what is feminine inside of me was in full swing.

Ever since then I have come a long way in valuing the feminine essence of life inside of me, and inside of every human being.

I found that it is extremely valuable to know how we really feel about ourselves as women. Because only when we feel equal – not more, not less – can we have a relationship that is based in true adoration of one another. Fear of being less, or believes of being more will ultimately cause strong problems in any relationship. When we feel truly equal, we are able to nurture ourselves and our partner without any self-sacrificing or dominating tendencies.

Since I have come into an awareness of my own divine-feminine-potency, all of my relationships are filled with loving support and freedom. Especially in my marriage we are both stunned how much loving care and genuine adoration unfolds in every new day.

The work that I share, is the work I do myself: Bringing to my conscious awareness all the tendencies and feelings of invalidation and shame; basically lifting them into my heart and letting them know that there is a not only the notion of patriarchal religion and the first painful invalidations of childhood.

Our heart intelligence holds so much wisdom, so much grandness. A miracle-like healing sets in, when we as women tap into this knowing, and of course trust our own insights. As the spiritual teacher Vivekananda states: 'It is important to restore the essential balance in the world between the masculine and feminine energies. The bird of humanity cannot fly with one wing."

This restoration of our own feminine value in every cell of our beings, and to be unconditionally loving with ourselves, leads us to the relationships we truly desire.