Why New Year's Style Resolutions Don't Work &
How to set Goals and Objectives that Do.

By Phil Seyer

Phil Seyer is the Director of Professionals Guild Singles Parties and Mixers and the coauthor (with Dorothy Jongeward) of the book Choosing Success.

New Year's style resolutions don't work because they are too vague, overwhelming, and are often made merely because it is the thing to do on New Years. Because they are vague, it is hard for us to know what to do to achieve them or to tell if we have achieved them. Also, often we don't do enough soul searching and make a real commitment to achieving these resolutions.

Although New Year's style resolutions don't usually work, that doesn't mean that goal and objective settings is worthless. On the contrary, setting goals and objectives is crucial to success. After all, if we don't know where we want to go, we are not likely to get there.

In this regard, it helps to differentiate between goals and objectives. A goal, as I define it here, is a global statement of intent — usually difficult to measure. An objective is a precise, clearly measurable statement of a desired outcome.

With that in mind which of these is a goal? Which is an objective?

1. To move into a nice house in the Bay Area.
2. Rent and live in a 2 bedroom house  by June 15, 2008.

The choice that clearly defines renting and living in a specific area (Rockridge) by a certain date is an objective. The other choice is a good goal, but not an objective. When you first start working on goals and objectives, it is probably best to start with a goal because it is gives us an overall sense of where we want to goal and it is often not possible to formulate a clear objective from the onset of the process.

When creating a goal it is helpful to ask yourself questions like:

Will achieving this goal be the best for my...

• Spirtual well being?
• Mental well being?
• Physical well-being?
• Will others that are important to me support this goal?
• Do I, myself, (all parts of me) support this goal?

That phrase "all parts of me" probably deserves some explanation. But it is beyond the scope of this article to go into full detail. For details you may want to read my book Choosing Success. Here's a brief explanation of this idea: many psychologists declare that we all have multiple parts of our personality and that this is normal. These parts are sometimes called "ego states." Names for our different ego states that you may heard are "Inner Child," "Inner Adult" and "Inner Parent."

Your Inner child wants to feel good, have pleasure and to enjoy itself. So your Inner Child will support your goal if it brings happiness, pleasure, excitement and fun. On the other hand, your Inner Adult wants your goal to be logical, to make sense and to be realistic and possible — to fit the facts.

Another part of you, your Inner Parent, wants your goal to be something that you "should have" that you "should want" — something that would likely would satisfy your real parents or parent figures.

So you might ask yourself:

Does my Inner Child support this goal? What about the work it will take to achieve it? Is my Inner Child afraid of this goal? Does my Inner Adult support the goal? Is the goal realistic from a logical point of view? How about my Inner Parent? Is this a goal I "should" achieve? What would my Mother (or Mother Figure) say? Your Father (or Father Figure?)

Often all parts of you will not be in total agreement. But the more inner agreement you can muster, the more power and energy you can put into your efforts at goal achievement. To achieve a great inner agreement it helps to find quiet time, meditate and do some real "soul searching." Role playing can help. For example, designate a chair in your living room as your Adult chair and sit in it and activate your Adult ego state. Then sit in another chair and play the role of your Inner Child. Let each ego state speak to the issue.

Think of a person who is single and has a goal of finding a partner for dating, relationship, romance or marriage. That person's Inner Child might not support that goal because it is afraid of being hurt or of the embarrassment of approaching someone new at one of those "singles parties." In this case, that person could carry on an Inner dialog with his or her Inner Child: "I know you are afraid of going out. But try to imagine how good you will feel when find the right partner. And remember, you don't have to do it alone. You can go with a friend. You can even hire a dating coach."

Goals are fine when we first starting out, but it is important to refine a goal into an objective and then into a series of enabling objectives. An enabling objective is clearly defined outcome that when achieved helps you to gain a higher level objective.

Suppose your goal is to find a dance partner. You might refine that by writing an objective that says that by June 15th you want to enjoy dancing once a week with a regular partner. (It addition, you may want to refine what you mean by "partner" — what desirable qualities does he or she have?)

Some enabling objectives for the dance partner goal might be:

• Be able to dance "basic" salsa.
• Enroll in a salsa dance class.
• Practice along with a "salsa workout" video 3 times a week.
• Attend a singles party where a salsa lesson is taught.
• Complete a series of private salsa dance lessons.
• Join the Bay Area Singles Meetup group

Why not get started now. Define a goal — make your "Dream Goal." Something you can get excited about. When you do that your Dream will start moving toward you! Next, start taking some small, easy to achieve steps toward your Dream. It may not happen overnight, but Dream will start moving toward you — with all deliberate speed!

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