ISADORA ALMAN: An interested friendly smile and "Hello." Begin a conversation with a stranger with any comment on the "here and now" about where you happen to be.

MICHAEL ALPERSTEIN: Beginnings set a tone. If you want the relationship to be grounded in authenticity, better make your line as natural as possible. How you say it matters more than what you say. Say it knowing that the highest purpose of meeting someone new is not so the other can make you happy, but so the relationship itself can show you that happiness starts from within. Say your "line" as if the purpose of saying it is to realize happiness stems from within.

AMY MARSH: I don't have a line; I let myself anticipate great pleasure, rev up my sexual energy, and gaze.

CHIP AUGUST: The whole concept of a "pick-up line" seems disrespectful to me. It's as if there is a one-size-fits-all sentence that will guarantee you get a date. IMO, no such line exists. On the other hand, we see someone we'd like to meet and have to start somewhere. Step 1: don't lie. Step 2: let go of any attachment to an outcome. Approach with intention not investment. Step 3: take time to actually notice the person you are about to speak to. Do they look happy? Sad? Busy?

Bored? Are they alone? With a group? With a date? Look for several things you appreciate about this stranger – more than just noticing your attraction to their looks. Step 4: politeness counts. Interrupting, barging in uninvited, is more often a turn-off than a turn-on. Relax. Wait for a break in the conversation. Then, as they say, fortune favors the bold, say something like: Excuse me. I hope you won't be offended, but I couldn't help noticing ________(fill in the blank). I like to notice someone's laugh, the way the color of their outfit compliments their eyes, that they move like a dancer, that they look lonely, bored, happy.

PHIL SEYER: Pick up lines are best avoided because they are artificial and sound artificial. Instead of playing Polly Parrot and reciting a line, start with the genuine intent to get to know a person person better and use your own actions and body language and words to communicate that idea. A good start would be to express what you would like to do or ask a question. You might say, for example, "I would like to..." or "How can I..." (I'll leave it to you to complete the sentence!)

SHAKTI PADMINI: A deep eye gaze supported by inner smile (the 'Mona Lisa' smile that activates the 'mouth of god' at the base of the scull that allows heavenly consciousness to flow in - that's what you will emanate). No words needed.

ANNE WIEWEL: Pick up lines are tough -- I like a sweet, direct approach, "Hi, my name is, ____________, you look like an interesting person -- would you like to sit and talk with me a while?" Or, "I'm not very good at meeting people -- my name is, ___________________, and I'd like to get to know you, would you like to talk with me for a little bit?" What's most important is that you rehearse your opening so that even when you're nervous you're still able to say it.

ISADORA ALMAN: Any movie which both people find funny would be a great way to further a romance. Laughter is a strong aphrodisiac.

AMY MARSH: "Pygmalion" with Leslie Howard and Wendy Hiller is my favorite old romantic movie. And "Moliere" is probably my most recent favorite.

CHIP AUGUST: I love movies. For a romantic oldie try "Casablanca" or "Dr. Zhivago." For something only a little old try "Sleepless in Seattle," "Groundhog Day," or "Somewhere in Time." Newer romantic movies include "Don Juan De Marco," "Notting Hill," "Shakespeare in Love," and "The Lake House."

PHIL SEYER: Recent: "Hitch" is a fun romantic movies and offers some interesting dating tips, too. Older: "As Good As it Gets." "You make me want to be a better man," is a line in the movie that gives food for thought. We might think: what could I do to make my potential partner want to be a better man (or better woman)?

SHAKTI PADMINI: "Blue Lagoon." Loving the natural innocence of it (my choice if I did not have to serve in this lifetime here) Fire. The deeper meaning of this is very tantric/

ANNE WIEWEL: I like "Prince of Tides" because there is so much more in the story than just the romance.

ISADORA ALMAN: A walk in any of our Bay Area parks or by the water in S.F., Marin or Alameda; a picnic packed by the other person would make it even better - no major expense and no distractions to talking and getting to know one another. Non-talkers can admire the view and extol the beauties of our great public parks.

AMY MARSH: A good cafe can work for people of any age.

CLAUDIA SIX: For any age or geographic location: best place for a first date is coffee.

It doesn't commit you to much time and expense. It offers the opportunity for face-to-face contact, and for one to check in with oneself and notice one's experience in the presence of the other. In other words, are you feeling seen/unseen, heard/unheard, insecure, at home, competitive, like you have to impress, attractive, turned on/off, grounded, confident...? Some of this can be indicative of your dynamic with your date, and is a pattern that may well persist (good or bad). Also notice how present both people are, and if you are both making eye contact.

CHIP AUGUST: The whole idea of a date is the opportunity to get to know each other better. What do you love to do? Invite your date to do that. Avoid movies, theater, concerts--too little opportunity to talk. If you go out to eat, choose a place quiet enough to hear each other. I like to go for afternoon walks together, perhaps the beach. Window-shopping in a big city is good.

PHIL SEYER: An Argentine tango dance lesson for beginners with a party afterward would be a great date. There are tango events like this all over the Bay Area. Argentine Tango gives you permission to touch and huge your partner in a natural setting. (If you don't know tango, a few private lessons in advance wouldn't be a bad idea.) NOTE: seek out ARGENTINE TANGO, not ballroom, or American or International Tango! Why? Because Argentine tango is much more romantic and inspiring.

SHAKTI PADMINI: A full moon hike and stargazing where I live (will not disclose where, do not wish to have my special spots crowded). But nature is available all over, and it's free!

ANNE WIEWEL: I suggest going somewhere you feel comfortable and that you like. If you like museums, go to an exhibit you've wanted to see. If you like nature, go to a park (Golden Gate Park, the Japanese Garden, etc.) Just going for a nice walk or little hike can be great. I have a friend who went to the circus on a first date because he'd been wanting to go to the circus -- he reasoned that even if he ended up not wanting another date with her at least he had done something he'd been wanting to do.

ISADORA ALMAN: It's easy to find women in old age homes. Men are abundant in prisons. Most people really aren't interested in numbers when you think about it, but in possible partners appropriate to them. Therefore, a couch potato meeting someone at a ski resort would probably not work out in the long run nor a political conservative be happy with someone met at a progressive rally. One needs to be clear on some general details of who they want to meet and then go where "they" are. Talkers need to go where they can strut their stuff - discussion groups, growth workshops, arranged dinners. Active doers need to find pick up sports teams or dance or movement classes. It's really crucial that a person be enjoying what s/he is doing while on "the search."

AMY MARSH: Go someplace that reflects your interests and passions. You've got a better chance of meeting kindred spirits.

CLAUDIA SIX: The first place you have to go is inside yourself, to get really clear on what you're looking for, otherwise you won't find it. Once you've done that you can meet people at the grocery store, the gym, dancing...

CHIP AUGUST: People are everywhere. Do what you love to do. Look around. Meet those people doing what you're doing. Second choice: A Human Awareness Institute Singles Event.

PHIL SEYER: Professionals Guild offers huge dance parties and mixers for singles 25 up and in their 30's, 40's or 50's. Sometimes smaller group meetings are really nice, too, because you have a chance to get to know people better. Meetup.com/bayareasingles offers a variety a wide variety of meetings for singles. You can even organize your own gathering for singles with a theme that particularly interests you. For example, if you like art and Japanese food, you could organize a museum tour followed by sushi afterwards. Because you can easily email more than a 1000 Bay Area singles and invite them to your event, it's likely you wil meet new people this way who have common interests. For those under 25, I would recommend a salsa dance club like, say, cafe cocomo. Beginning dance lessons are offered if you don't know salsa.

SHAKTI PADMINI: My classes are great for meeting people - and you get to really SEE them! Groove Garden (community dance event in Fairfax, Marin) or Sweat Your Prayers is lovely too (you may notice I am body biased. Yes!).

ANNE WIEWEL: I suggest taking classes on something you're already interested in (but picking a class where you are more likely to meet someone is helpful.) Dance classes are especially good since you're learning a useful social skill while making new friends, increasing your self-esteem and self-confidence.

ISADORA ALMAN: Nothing at all wrong with being honest, direct and kind. "I wish there were chemistry, but there just isn't. I am sorry."

AMY MARSH: You're wonderful, but I'm just not ready.

CLAUDIA SIX: The 'positive sandwich': you start with a positive ("You're very attractive and I appreciate you coming here today"), then the 'let-down' ("And I don't think this is going to be a match for me"), then the second positive ("I've enjoyed getting to know you a little bit & I wish you well".) Don't elaborate, defend, explain, justify. Set a clear boundary with the positive sandwich. You're doing them a favor: they know where they stand. They may be disappointed but at least you're not leading them on and wasting anyone's time.

CHIP AUGUST: Tell the truth. It does not protect someone's feelings to lie to him or her. Respect the person enough to treat them with honesty and compassion.

PHIL SEYER: There is no one right way to do this, but it will help to think about how you would want to be let down. Spend some time putting yourself in the other person's shoes before you say "we have to talk." Pay careful attention to timing. Don't break the news on a holiday or just before some important event is about to take place.

SHAKTI PADMINI: PS. Make sure I understand the meaning of 'let down': Does it mean to say 'no' to someone's advances? If so, then: "No, but Thank you - You have a great taste!"

ANNE WIEWEL: The "best way" is to do it simply in as direct a manner as possible and to use a sweet and gentle voice. Like: "I don't think this will work out for me but I very much appreciate _______________ (meeting you; you taking the time to talk with me, etc.) Just as important though is a good response when someone lets you down, "Yeah, I don't think it will work for me either. It was really nice meeting you. Goodbye." A good comeback helps you to feel better about the rejection.

ISADORA ALMAN: I'm always amazed at the common belief that you won't find a sweetheart if you're actively looking. No one would apply that reasoning to house hunting or a job search. Of course you have to be active in fulfilling your goals, whatever they are, unless you are willing to patiently wait for the Universe to provide. If you are not attaining your wants in life, and you've tried everything you are willing and know how to do, seeking the input of an expert just makes good sense. There is no shame in working smarter rather than harder in the pursuit of happiness.

MICHAEL ALPERSTEIN: It's not that most people really need help finding a partner, it's that asking for help is a statement to the Universe that says "I am ready to meet someone." Asking for help is an action that sends out a spiritual signal and causes a powerful unfolding, inside and out. It helps you feel you are not alone, which is of course what you want. It is a sign of strength, not hopelessness.

AMY MARSH: I don't know about "should." The truth is, we have so many barriers to community and natural processes of getting to know people (in the flesh, as opposed to the internet), that many of us are at a loss. Also, modern life has become socially complex and rules and conventions are different for subcultures, immigrant communities, social classes, ethnicities, and so on. People need help navigating the complexities. As for improving sex life -- few of us are really free of sexual shame, and even fewer have managed to accept their more unusual desires and practices. Sexual communication is also tricky, and people have unrealistic expectations of how their libidos or bodies naturally function. I offer warm understanding and com-passion for people in relationship or sexual difficulties, as well as a unique combination of sexological training, hypnotherapy and other modalities, and original insights from my own research and life experience.

MARSHA WINER: People need help to find a mate because of the time element.

It's almost a full time job to screen and weed through all the riff-raff. "It's a jungle out there!" as one new client told me.

Also when you meet someone randomly at a party or social function or even at a store there is always the big question as to whether that person is truly available for dating. So you may hold back on flirting because you want to be respectful in case they are seeing someone. You can't assume they are available just because they do not have a wedding band on. It's often not obvious and you may not feel comfortable asking because certain men may think you are too pushy. And even if they are dating they may not be looking for something serious. So, hiring a matchmaker ensures you that your introductions are to actual potential mates.

CLAUDIA SIX: Because we often engage in repetitive, ineffective patterns in seeking a mate, which is why we can find ourselves in a series of relationships that don't work, in a similar way. The common denominator is us. We all have a lens. For example, a woman may have a pattern of picking unavailable men who have big muscles, because she has an unconscious script about not being wanted and not feeling all that attractive. She can feel attractive by association, by being with an attractive man. And by picking someone unavailable (non-committal, married, travels a lot...) she feels the familiar pain of not feeling wanted. She keeps doing it but it doesn't work for her. She needs to change her lens, so that she can 'see' different men, who currently don't register on her radar but who are a better fit and with whom she can have a viable relationship.

Why should someone need help to improve their sex life? Our sex life is a window through which all the information about our life shows up: how we show up in the world, who we are, how we make decisions.

Sex is very vulnerable, personal, and compelling. It gets peoples' attention. I look through that window & help people become conscious about how they get in their own way and support them in creating the life, sex and love they want. They get to improve their sex life, romantic relationships, and work & family relationships. The tools that help with one, help in all other areas. It's never just about sex.

CHIP AUGUST: Who taught you about your sexuality? Who taught you about creating an ongoing, fulfilling, intimate, loving, and hot relationship? And do you believe that whoever taught you actually knew anything?

In my 18+ year career leading personal growth workshops worldwide, I have extensive experience facilitating growth and change in the areas of opening to intimacy and sexuality, realizing and expressing passion, healing anger, developing effective parenting skills, and improving communication skills. I'm a personal growth coach. According to my clients I have a talent for uncovering the things "hidden" in their communication and behavior, and for accessing emotions. I help people navigate the challenges in their lives, relationships, and careers. And, in that process, I help people tap into more joy, more fun, more intimacy and more love, while helping to reduce the stress in their lives.

PHIL SEYER: It's not easy to find a soul mate. You can't do it very well just sitting at home. At some point you need to get out of the house and meet nose to nose. Professionals Guild offers people a chance to meet and mingle with hundreds of quality singles in one evening. Soul Mate Quest Seminars co-sponsored by Professionals Guild help singles discover personal blocks that are keeping them from finding their life partner. Meetup.com/bayareasingles offers a wide variety of causal smaller group gatherings where it is possible to get to know eligible singles who have common interests.

SHAKTI PADMINI: The world around us is a reflection of ourselves. You will attract your mirror. Your relationship with your inner beloved (often blueprinted by your opposite parent when you were young) will be manifested on the outside in your mate (or his/her absence). If that's not what you want you got some work to do. And yes, you got the power to manifest the beloved of your dreams!

Why should someone need help to improve their sex life? What can you offer that is unique? Much could be said about the physical/psychological health benefits, but there's much more: Underneath any want of 'improving sex life' is a yearning for heart connection, deep soul communion, true intimacy. In my work you will get to experience sex (Sacred Energy Xchange) as direct communion with divinity, the awesome source of all creation. Experiencing yourself/your mate as God/dess, the pure unconditional love that is your essence, is just beyond description, you'll never be the same. Learning to enter the physical dimension totally and realizing the true meaning of sex is the utmost reason why we've come here.

ANNE WIEWEL: Sensual and sexual skills are no different from any other skills (driving, typing, golfing, skiing, etc.) and just like we go to a teacher to learn how to ski or improve our golf swing, here in the Bay Area you can also go to someone to learn how to improve your sex life. Improving your sensual and sexual skills is easier with direct instruction that includes practice and feedback and more practice.

Let's say someone comes to me to learn how to kiss better -- I work with them on the fine intricacies of kissing: how to approach the lips, keeping your lips and tongue soft, when to swallow your spit, how to move your tongue and coordinate your movements with your partners, etc., etc. These are all a series of little skills that require training and practice to improve kissing technique. My unique skill is in how I teach my clients, a hands-on approach using patient step by step instruction, breaking each part down into smaller pieces until he becomes a better kisser.

ISADORA ALMAN: The best place to make love is wherever there is comfort, privacy and time to relax (unless, of course, you find discomfort and danger arousing!) When it should happen is whenever it feels right to both people and not before. Feelings just can't be put on a timetable.

AMY MARSH: I think a nice comfortable bed is the best place to make love. And second to that, a warm, secluded tropical beach. And as for how soon, that's up to the people involved and what they each want from an intimate encounter. I'd say making love is best when there is understanding, clarity and rapport.

CLAUDIA SIX: As soon as you can do it from a conscious place, with mutual consent, and safely... however long that takes.

CHIP AUGUST: Hmmm. I try to live my life "making love" 24/7. I think the best place to make love is wherever you are. I look for opportunities to connect with each person I meet, opportunities to create moments of intimacy. I practice opening my heart and looking for love, because what one practices is what one gets good at. In a way, I'm already "making love" at the first "hello." Now, if "make love" is your way to refer to genitally oriented sexuality, the answer is a bit more complicated....

SHAKTI PADMINI: The best place is your sacred temple: Being fully present in your body is my winning recommendation over and over! How soon? When you are both able to be fully present with one another.

ANNE WIEWEL: I teach my clients to go very slow, get to know each other, establish trust and communication, moving gradually into sexual intimacy over time. How long? It could take a week of seeing each other frequently if all else feels good to several months -- but try to engage in sensual play and then sexual play without intercourse for at least a few times. This allows the two of you to get to know each other's likes and dislikes, gives you more time to develop trust and communication (which helps you decide if you do want to have coitus with him or her.) Best place? Is the place where you can have all the things you needed for sex to go smoothly and safely -- and this includes being fully ready emotionally

ISADORA ALMAN: My personal favorite forms of foreplay are conversations of grownup Show & Tell: who am I and could you be interested and who are you and could I be interested? Communication is the best lubrication. Both are needed to make a good connection.

AMY MARSH: Gazing, cuddling, and dancing are my favorite forms of foreplay. I also like it when my lover tells me how desirable I am, and how much he wants me. That counts as foreplay too, as it captures my interest. I don't have any hard or fast rules about initiating sex - except that seduction seems most fun when it's playful. Yes, I think suggestive entertainment is great for those who like it! Teatro Zinzanni and some of the other performances that blend music, cabaret, circus arts, and even burlesque and belly dance are fantastic for that! Entertainment that is playful, humorous, risque, and skillful can be wonderfully inspiring.

CLAUDIA SIX: Inviting eye contact. A woman needs to let a man know he'll get a 'yes'. Does suggestive entertainment ever have a place in a healthy relationship? Sure, if it's from a place of fullness (the relationship is solid and loving) rather than emptiness (there's a disconnect that people are trying to bridge by focusing on something outside of the relationship rather than on each other).

CHIP AUGUST: My favorite form of foreplay is honest and open communication, laden

with a dash of humor, and topped with innocent, heartfelt curiosity. As Isadora Alman is fond of saying: "Communication is the best lubrication!"

SHAKTI PADMINI: Long, nurturing and filled with love and devotion. When you reverently worship one another as divinity, the heart is turned on with the rest of the body. The rest is magic!

ANNE WIEWEL: My favorite form of foreplay is knowing that my lover likes going slow and really enjoys both of us touching and kissing to become more aroused. I like erotic play that isn't genitally focused at first and then gradually becomes more genitally focused as we become more aroused.

SHAKTI PADMINI: By taking a deep breath and bringing awareness to your body. Tantrika lives in a constant state of arousal. You are already initiated. You can make love 24/7, it just becomes a matter of logistics.

ANNE WIEWEL: I initiate sex with hugging and kissing -- are we both in the mood? Yes, then more kissing and touching to getting undressed. Or, I wear something sexy and see if he's into it. I like to be smart about sex ... such as arranging it so it's not really late at night when we're both tired; beginning the more sensual kissing earlier, if I get a positive response that gives me the go-ahead to do more and so on.

SHAKTI PADMINI: It depends on what the suggestive entertainment suggests. Your subconscious mind will take it in and be eager to recreate it in one way or another. Is that what you both want?

ANNE WIEWEL: Absolutely -- if both of you are into it. That means choosing suggestive entertainment which appeals to both of you. I like reading classic erotic literature to my lover as a way to get things started. Exploring what type of erotica you both like is important.

FEEDBACK: CLICK HERE to email comments and feedback. Please note the title of the article or the author's name. Include your own name or type "name withheld" by request. Thoughtful responses will be published in our next edition.