Your First Dance As a Married Couple
By Phil Seyer

Your wedding is coming soon. That date has a way of sneaking up on you. So the time to start getting organized is now! An important part of the wedding reception is the First Dance. It's the first dance of the reception, but also your first dance as a married couple.
If you're not a good dancer, don't worry. Once you pick out a song, it won't take long to get comfortable dancing to it. One approach is to just hold each other romantically and sway to the music. That can work and a lot of couples do just that. But because the first dance is so important, some brides and grooms take private dance lessons so they feel comfortable dancing and so they make that first dance really special.

An experienced dance instructor can help you learn some easy dance steps especially suited to your ability and to the music you love so well. An added benefit is that partner dancing can be extremely enjoyable and it can give something special to do together as a couple — even after your wedding!

Whenever possible, take lessons early on. Don't wait till the last few weeks before your wedding to take lessons! Do you want to look like you are struggling to learn to dance? Ladies, do you want your man counting out-loud and looking at his feet when he dances with you?

If you are not yet ballroom dancing, you don't know what you are missing! There is a certain joy that comes from learning something new together with your partner and doing it well to beautiful music.

Here's how to start: Pick a song you both love and feel passionate about. Find a tune that inspires you, that almost makes you cry! Don't worry if it is a good dance tune And don't just pick some recommended "First Dance song" from a wedding book unless you really love it! Remember, a good dance teacher can figure out a dance style that will fit the music.

Years ago, the First Dance, by tradition, was nearly always waltz. Now days, that's no longer true. The most popular styles are Nightclub Two Step (NC2S), Rumba, Fox trot, Swing, and Tango.

Nightclub Two Step (NC2S) is a new dance invented by an L.A. teacher Buddy Schwimmer. Buddy created NC2s while practicing with his sister when he was teenager! Later he toured the U.S. giving workshops to ballroom dance teachers showing them this new dance. NC2S is now the dance of choice for songs like "When you Say You Love Me," "Just the Way You Are," "Everlasting Love," "Biggest Part of Me," "I Believe in You and Me," and "All My Life."

Rumba is another good style for a First Dance. It is especially appropriate for medium slow tune with a Latin flavor. You can hear a lovely rumba on the soundtrack to the American version of the movie "Shall We Dance." The tune "And I Love Her" by the Beatles is another example of rumba.

Fox trot and swing are also good dance styles for a First Dance. Fox trot works for older, slower tunes like those sung by Frank Sinatra. You can also dance swing to these tunes if the tempo is a little faster. For example, The Best is Yet to Be as sung by Tony Bennet or Nancy Wilson works in either a swing or Fox trot style. Foxtrot is a smooth ballroom dance. Swing is more energetic and more of a nightclub dance, although it is now popular in ballrooms, too. Both are wonderful styles for a First Dance. It depends on the music.

Tango: Believe it or not, tango can be a wonderful dance for a wedding. However, American tango (with it's almost comical staccato moves) is not recommended. Argentine tango, though is a very smooth, romantic, and passionate style. When Argentine tango is used, often the bride and groom will dance to an instrumental version of the tune. If you are interested in Argentine tango, you may want to rent these movies: True Lies, Scent of a Woman, and Tango by Carlos Saura, and Assassination Tango. A popular Argentine tango tune for weddings is Por Una Cabeza. La Cumparsita is also quite popular.

When studying dance with your partner, arguments can arise. "You are leading — we're supposed to do a turn here — you're not dancing on the beat, you're not following — I can't feel your lead...." You can avoid these spats by following these simple guidelines.

Leaders: remember your purpose! The purpose of the leader is to pleasure the follower! That means accepting responsibility for the lead. Learn your steps well. Think ahead so you know which steps you will lead next. If you can't remember, it's fine to do a simple basic step, until the fancier one comes to mind. Leaders: provide a good "frame" for the follower to respond to. If something goes wrong, remember it is always your fault.

Followers: remember your purpose: to have a good time and respond to the lead. As a follower, learn your steps, but then forget them and follow whatever the leader throws your way. Don't anticipate or grimace if the leader forgets a step. Just smile and have a good time. Nothing inspires a leader more than your big beautiful smile!