STOP INNER TERRORISM:
Become Your Own Best Friend
By Maya Durie

Do you suffer from chronic fatigue? Feel overwhelmed? Using dialog, gentle touch, and movement, Maya Durie offers Somatic Awareness Education.

I was driving home a few months ago embroiled in an inner dialogue in which I was the enemy. My inner judge and jury were putting me on trial and finding me guilty. My punishment was to be condemned to perpetual unworthiness, constant criticism and around the clock inner surveillance for future infractions. I became aware of how very ironic this inner scenario was. I was the one doing this to myself! No one else was inside my head, but me and the ghosts from my past.

How did I turn into my own worst enemy? And who is in charge of my mind's content anyway? Having done years of introspection and pondering my wounds from childhood, I can delineate how this inner committee of judges came into being. Now that I am in my 50s, my question became why am I choosing to maintain an inner environment in which I am the enemy? I began laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation. I realized that I am an adult now. Guess what? That means it is my life and I am in charge of it! So from this stand point, why in the world would I choose to live with inner terrorism? And being a highly sensitive person, my self-generated fear can indeed feel like terror at times. Given the choice, we all would likely choose to live in an environment in which we feel accepted, (even cherished), supported, encouraged, and loved. So I made a decision to embody these qualities and to become my own best friend.

My experience tells me that when I feel accepted, supported, encouraged and loved I have much more enthusiasm for life. I am more naturally caring and giving to others. I feel I belong and that I can handle life. I don't need my hyper-vigilant surveillance attitude to make me be a good person. Paradoxically, it is this constant self-monitoring that causes me to block my natural goodness. It is my self-criticism that drains me of enthusiasm and life force putting me on overload and into a defensive mode. However I perceive myself, I will likely project this perception out onto others. It is a twist on the golden rule. Before I can do unto others as I would like them to do unto me, I first need to treat myself the way I would like others to treat me. When I can bathe myself in acceptance, encouragement and love then my presence will already be radiating these qualities. When I feel good about myself then my body is more relaxed, allowing a more open flow of energy to circulate through me. I am not living in a defensive mode that has been created by being barraged by inner attacks and judgment. I am less likely to perceive the world around me as dangerous when my inner world feels safe. I can then more accurately discern the level of safety or threat in situations that I experience around me.

Since this 'aha' experience, I have made it my priority to treat myself as I would like to be treated. Now my daily well-being practice is to generate the sensations and feelings that come from self- acceptance, self- encouragement, self- support and self -love. So I invite you to enjoy yourself. It is your life and you are worth it!