From Addiction to a Joyous, Rewarding Life

By Deb Archibald

I'm going to ruin my life and lose everyone I love if I can't control my addictive behavior," Gavin lamented. "Can you help me?" Gavin was continuously tempted by an addiction that threatened everything he valued. It took precious time away from the family he adored, yet he felt powerless to end his obsession. He was terrified and riddled with guilt. He turned to me as a personal coach.

What drew Gavin to this soul-depleting behavior? During our early sessions he shared his strong desire to feel intimately connected. He needed to feel close with someone anonymously and with no strings. It relieved stress and offered him an opportunity to escape the struggles of his everyday existence. But Gavin was aware that his methods were ultimately unsatisfying and left him feeling more shame than relief.

During our coaching sessions Gavin devised a list of healthier alternatives to his addictive behavior. He carefully considered nurturing, fulfilling activities and when he noticed he was being triggered he took these positive steps to eliminate the temptation.

A significant goal for Gavin was to take time each day for self-care. He'd been running on empty and getting false energy from his addiction, which he used as a quick fix. He became clear that he deserved a long term, meaningful alternative. Gavin agreed to take time each day to replenish himself with nourishing self-care. In time, he reported a sense of profound fulfillment. In this calm and comfortable state he no longer felt the urge to escape. Slowing down and feeling more grounded also allowed Gavin to enjoy a more satisfying relationship with his children, which is extremely important to him.

To honor his need for intimacy, Gavin committed to initiate an open communication with his wife. He spoke with her about his need for a close connection. He reported that sharing his needs was difficult compared with turning to his addiction. Gavin realized that asking for what he needed was a skill that he'd been missing and the more openly he shared the less he was triggered to engage in his past harmful behavior.

After a year of a mutually rewarding coaching relationship Gavin affirms a happiness he didn't know was possible. His life is joyous and filled with close, deeply rewarding relationships. He's learned to care for and value himself, to ask his loved ones for what he needs, and to distance himself from harmful environments. As a coach, I'm honored to be a part of this inspiring transformation.