Toward More Positive Masculine Power

STEVE TENNANT: Help us understand what you mean by "masculine power"?

KEITH MERRON: Well, there are two parts to that phrase: masculine and power. Power is force of any kind. Power is the capacity to impact the world. Power is about influence, about causing something to emerge.

It may be useful to distinguish masculine power from feminine power. The power of the feminine is to nurture, to allow, to encourage growth. Masculine power is the power to create movement, to impact, to accomplish or create. Masculine power is about movement forward, making progress outward, and the power to manifest.

The symbol of man – the circle with an arrow coming out of it – is an apt symbol for masculine power. Masculine power is energy being directed outward to impact something, to manifest, to produce extraordinary results. When wielded well, power can be beautifully moving. It's a force that creates something out of nothing. It's a force of progress. When expressed by an individual in healthy ways, masculine power is a voice out there in the world to be heard, to be appreciated, bringing one's self out in the world fully.

When masculine power is negative, it's a force of destruction, of energy going outward to destroy. The belief that "I am right and you are wrong", and "I am going to kill you" is an expression of masculine power going awry. The intention is to impact something, but that impact is a destructive impact. It doesn't honor others.

In order for masculine power to produce that beautiful voice, it needs to also honor other people's voices being out there. When we dishonor another's voice, another's culture, another's point of view, and we make them wrong emotionally, verbally or even more powerfully with weaponry, that's when that expression of self is a destructive expression.

STEVE: That sounds like you're advocating submissiveness. Are you suggesting men should yield to others?

KEITH: I do not advocate submissiveness at all. That would dishonor my own expression, my own voice. Let's say I bring forth my view cleanly and fully and it's in conflict with another. What can I do? If I yield, then I am suppressing my own voice. If I destroy then I am suppressing the other voice. If I honor both my voice and another, now we have a dilemma. Now we have to figure out what to do about that. How do we coexist with both voices? Is there a blending of the voices that might produce something even more extraordinary than either of us could do alone? Those are very healthy questions, none of which are about yielding.

STEVE: Where does this power come from? And how does it become negative?

KEITH: Power can come from many different places. One source could be my ego, my belief that I am right, my desire to protect myself and my points of view. If I am protecting myself through ego, I am likely to want to destroy others who differ from me in the service of self-protection. That is a source of power that destroys, because it doesn't allow another's voice to be fully expressed and fully realized.

Another source of power could be my needs, where I am acting from a desire to get my needs met. That could cause me to go after things like food, possessions, a love mate, or other needs. The problem with these sources of power is that their satisfaction is fleeting. My needs change, my points of view change, and my ego's needs change over time.

Power expressed from these sources are usually, well, funky. They are sometimes damaging and often unrewarding in the long run. Moreover, they are often not well received. Witness the person who seeks power for his or her own self-aggrandizement. For most people, this is not very appealing. When we think of the phrase, "power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely", we are referring to people who wield power in destructive ways. These sources of masculine power are fleeting. To me, the source of greater source of masculine power comes from an inner well of knowing who I am. When I trust that I am okay deep inside, that I am good just as I am, that all will work out fine, and I know my capabilities, and then I act from there, from that deeper wellspring comes a much more healthy, expansive and welcomed form of power.

STEVE: How would one know that he is operating from that place deeper source of power?

KEITH: I visually imagine a calm, easy, fluid, and erect stance. Think about Aikido for a moment. When you lean too far forward in your stance, your opponent steps aside and you topple over. If you lean too far back, the other can push you and you topple over. But from an erect and supple stance, you can move quite fluidly. So the experience of being solid, erect, and fluid is the energetic stance from which that wellspring emerges.

I know when I'm acting from ego, or from fear, when I'm leaning too hard, when I'm being to aggressive, when I'm being too forceful. Then I'm leaning too far forward and can cause destruction. Conversely, I know when I'm stifling myself out of fear, squelching my own voice. Then I'm leaning too far back, and could topple over from somebody else's voice or power.

There is an emotional quality as well. When I am solid inside myself, I don't make a demand on somebody else. I'll make a request. When I'm solid inside myself, when somebody makes a demand, I won't go into reaction. I'll recognize the demand and I'll decline. I'll say, "I don't respond from reacting to a demand. If you put it in a more requesting tone, I'm more likely to respond."

I know that when I'm making others wrong, I'm in ego. I know that when I'm honoring others, I'm in a more solid place.

STEVE: So, if a man wanted to tap into this and maximize his power, and not undermine it, what would he do?

KEITH: I have a short term and long term answer. The shorter term answer the question is I would seek to relax, get calm and ask yourself, "What will serve here?" I would ask, "What is my purpose here?" or, "What do I want to create here?" Answers to these questions will often cause one to act from a deeper wellspring. Those actions will tend to be much more lovingly powerful, or powerfully loving.

The longer term answer is to be on a journey of consciousness. I'd encourage that person to be a journey to discover the deepest sense of who I am, what I believe, what I value. That's the search for knowing oneself, searching for an inner compass.

STEVE: Is it difficult for some to distinguish between being driven from the "what I'm trying to accomplish here" view from ego driven needs?

KEITH; Well, let's define "ego" for a moment – a term that means a lot of different things in different traditions. By "ego," I mean the phenomenon inside myself, in my psyche, that's designed to protect me and my beliefs. The more my sense of identity is identified with what I do, what I own, what I believe, the more the more likely my ego will be present. And ego primary function is to protect, so I'll protect my livelihood, I'll protect my work, I'll protect my beliefs. And I will, out of ego, look to denigrate other peoples' views or efforts, if they are in any way threatening to me. So, ego is designed to protect "self," the small "s" sense of self.

When I feel disconnected from the world, and when I see myself as an individual separate from others, then my ego will protect my separateness and my individuality. So, ego focuses on things like "I'm going to go after that job and I'm going to beat other people to it", or "I'm going to tell them how wrong they are and I'm going to debate them until I convince them I'm right." That's ego's purpose.

The deeper purpose that I'm referring to is when you believe that you're connected with all and everything. There is no separation between me and you. Separation is just an artifact of my own psycho-emotional state.

If you believe that there is a much larger community of life, then there is nothing to protect from ego's standpoint, and you understand that everything is a part of you. A deeper sense of purpose has a quality of serving others that springs out of a sense of abundance. There is sense of giving, and thinking that in giving, what I put out comes back to me.

Dave McClelland, in his research on motivation, made an important distinction between two kinds of power. Personalized power is power for one's own sake, for one's own self-aggrandizement. Socialized power is the power to make a positive difference in the world. It is socialized power that is the healthiest expression of masculine power.

STEVE: What does masculine power have to do with women? Should women care about this?

KEITH: God, I hope so! (Laughing) I think in some cases, some women, or some parts of women, are attracted to the destructive forms of masculine power. Some women are also attracted to that sexy, hot, "rebel without a cause" kind of quality which can sometimes look destructive, but when expressed well, can be quite juicy and alive. There is a big difference between seeking freedom (very sexy to some women) and seeking destruction (not so attractive to most women). Some women do cross that line from freedom to destructiveness and they seek a man who is ego driven. I believe these very same women have added their own ego, or needs, and get attracted to a man who is destructive.

But most of the healthy women I know prefer a man who is really solid in himself, grounded in his own sense of who he is, and able to express himself freely and fully, while respecting others to do the same. I have heard women say, "I like a man who is comfortable in his own skin," which in my translation means, "He knows who he is, he is good with who he is. He feels good about himself and I, the woman, know he's likely to bring his voice out wonderfully. And that's the sexiest thing to me of all. Plus, he will honor and respect me."

So, I believe men's quest is to find themselves, and to be comfortable in their own skin, and bring their voice out would be very appealing to women.

STEVE: How did you get into this? What drew you to kind of research and study, and conducting workshops in the area of masculine power?

KEITH: First and foremost, my desire has always been to find myself. The exploration of men's work was a quest to find more of who I am and to bring more of my juiciness out, rather than neuter some of who I am under the guise of sensitivity.

When I was an adolescent and a young adult, I was persuaded by women to explore the softer, more sensitive sides of who I was—essentially more feminine power. It was at a time when the women's movement was very strong in the late 60s and early 70s and the women's movement was offering a view of life that was a reaction to and an antidote to some of the destructive forces of masculine power. So, a lot of the men found very soft, gentle parts of themselves. They found their inner feminine, and I did the same. In some sense, I became a very sensitive man, more feminine than what was my nature. While that was beautiful, I also knew there were other parts of me that were being silenced.

At the time all I could hold were negative images of masculine power. I decided that masculine power was bad and that I would look to be more feminine. Since then, I have been on a quest for what does it mean to be a man, and to bring more fully who I am as a man, without some of the destructive forms.

I was – and still am – in a men's group for many years, where we were working together to explore what it is to be fully a man, and deepen ourselves as men. And in our society, in my leadership work with executives, I realized that I was not alone – many men are looking for this.

I wanted to not only find the more powerful expression of what it means to be a man for myself, but also encourage other men to find it, with the belief that actually this will help heal the planet. Many men are interested in learning, self development, and personal growth, in manifesting more and having a more positive impact. And in my work with Tim Kelley and these other men, the outcome is not just a workshop, but a community of men with an ongoing way to deepen ourselves, to challenge each other, to express our power more cleanly.

If you understand the destructive forms of masculine power, then you can understand what causes war, nuclear weaponry, unbridled pollution, global warming and other problems created by man that may ultimately lead to the downfall of our planet. While we may not be able to change the world overnight, we can take responsibility for ourselves. The healing of ourselves as men, and the embracing of masculine power in healthy form, will, in some meaningful ways, help heal the planet.