Embracing Diversity:
Sustainability for Self, Relationships, and Community

By Bill Say

Diversity is simply the many forms of life. Diversity awarenesscan be defined as the process of noticing differences, as well as the attitude that wants to welcome and open to the multitude of people and life experiences. In this brief article I would like to illustrate how diversity awareness can enhance health, relationships, and the sustainability of collectives of all kinds.

The attitudinal part of diversity awareness is important, because as human beings we have healthy and natural consciousness processes that seek to marginalize experiences, thus letting us function in life. However, this same tendency to marginalize parts of life, creates health problems, conflicts and unsustainable situations in communities and organizations.

At this point, I would like to thank and acknowledge my teacher of the last several years, Arnold Mindell, creator of Process Work, for many of the ideas I have about diversity and awareness.

In Process Work theory, awareness can be seen as a counting process that is simultaneously a discounting process. For example, a person crossing a busy street is "counting" cars that are whizzing by, and at the same time "discounting" beautiful flowers that are planted nearby. In this example the "counting" of cars is automatic, and a matter of survival.

Another example of counting and discounting awarenesses is the situation where there is an ongoing heavy workload and there is also fatigue. If the work is "counted" and the fatigue is "discounted," over time this can begin to manifest in burnout, chronic fatigue, and even more serious ailments. The more subtle signs, when neglected, frequently amplify until paid attention to. A deceptively simple thing to do is to spend some time and attention on symptoms that arise. So in addition to seeking out medical attention, I suggest spending quality time with your own body. So if you do feel tired, just sit or lie down and really feel it. Or if you feel aches or pains or stresses, find time to bring caring attention to yourself. In doing so, you might discover things to do or not do that assist your body in feeling better. In addition, symptoms have the uncanny ability to direct us in our personal development in very specific ways. By bringing a deeper level of awareness to our symptoms, we may find information that points to the need to develop more power, vulnerability, surrender, independence, etc.

Typically, we go about in life accepting to some degree the various events and experiences that happen on a day-to-day basis. But then there are those experiences, events, and people that we don't readily accept. It is precisely at these moments that we can utilize diversity awareness. Here we can summon a more welcoming attitude. Go ahead and try it. The next time you have a moment where you start to reject what is happening, pause, and try bringing in just 1% more of a welcoming attitude toward yourself and the situation. Then use your noticing mind, and notice the subtle shift that occurs. You can preview this now. Try bringing just 1% more of a welcoming attitude to yourself, your experience in the moment, and then notice if there is even a little change in your feeling experience. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Now let's look at how diversity awareness can be used in daily relationships.

"Diversity work" was born out of the inequities, injustices, and brutalities that have been inflicted upon people for reason of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, physical and mental ability, age, and other crucial factors. These "minorities" were/are marginalized, or have some tendency to be marginalized by, a relatively more "mainstream" body of the society. I think for these reasons some people think that diversity work is for "other people. " I disagree as I don't think I have met a single person who has not had the tendency to marginalize vital, precious qualities/experiences in her or himself or in others.

In these critical times, where our very survival is most probably on the line, I see, I believe that we need every little shred of our being to survive, sustain life, and enjoy this amazing, rare, and precious life.

So how do we do this?How can we develop diversity awareness? Let's look at relationships and awareness.

Let's start with the big ones. Mostly in life, we have one main relationship conflict. This main conflict, often originates in childhood, and then continues into our adulthood. This original, childhood conflict, often sets into motion a pattern of relating that manifests with others in adult life. For example, a person may have had a very powerful and dominating parent. Later in life this person finds others who occupy this role and is thus conflicted. Commonly, our response is to find ways to cope with, avoid, defeat, or somehow defend against this type of person. However, this response is usually not sufficient to resolve this kind of pattern. We seem to need to, in some sense, become this one to really become whole. Of course the answer is not to become abusive if we were abused. However, it might well be needed to find the essence of this "other" and integrate that. Following the example, what often happens is that the person who is dominated by a powerful parent discards power while discarding abusiveness. Instead, what I suggest is that the essence of domination is found and that is integrated. This is an individual thing, but for one person the essence of domination may be exercising the power of influence.

What makes up the diversity of your world of people? What is "other"? What are qualities that others have but you do not or think you do not?There are so many. Some common ones I have encountered are: power, love, leadership, vulnerability, creativity, success, intelligence, beauty, "weakness," richness, poverty, "needyness," aggression, independence, etc.

What is the big "other" for you in life? We usually find them in our most conflicted relationships, often marry people who embody this for us, and quite simply we usually are this and don't really know it. Taking steps to integrate the quality or energy of the "other" has a great tendency to resolve conflicts, and make relationships more sustainable.

In collective and community life, diversity awareness can be exercised by individuals or by groups in order to make our environments more welcoming, inclusive, and sustainable.

If you like, think of a community or collective situation and use your diversity awareness. Is there a person or sub-group that is somehow marginal?

I think we can all practice leadership in life. In our communities, churches, work places, and families we can aspire to be inclusive and welcoming. We can be leaders who can become big enough to hold everyone. In this model I think we must also notice our discomfort with certain individuals or certain groups or types of people. Using the above skill of "finding the other in you" consider that these "others" are somehowa marginalized aspect of you. Of course this one or ones are a lot more than who we make them out to be. But it is these "stories" and prejudices that serve to separate us. Become whom you fear and then hold everyone.

Facilitate relationships, necessary conflicts, and organize meetings. Conflict, while uncomfortable, is often needed to begin to address some of the unspoken dynamics that create tension, oppression, and the very real feeling of unwelcome. Maybe your style is to become the world inside yourself and help create wholeness this way. You might have an activist style that wants to create meetings and movements. Or you may have a personal style that simply wants to befriend everyone. Support your perceptions and feelings in your various communities. If you feel tense and vaguely unwelcome in certain groups, you may not be the only one. Or if you see a very biased environment, you are probably noticing a very important phenomenon.

I think even our awkward efforts to forward relationships are important and worth taking the risks involved. The renowned diversity trainer Lee Mun Wah says that awareness is not enough, that we need to relate to each other. And you may not be willing to take the external steps. If not, maybe you are willing to imagine certain conversations happening. Or imagine reaching out to someone you feel afraid of. If we can imagine it, it seems to take reality a step closer.

I think extending diversity awareness, relatedness, and communication into our selves, relationships, and communities will be an essential part of healing our world. Thank you for reading.

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