By Maryanna Blair
The first time Alex walked into my of-fice his physical beauty lassoed every bit of my attention! This was one extremely, handsome and impeccably dressed man of about 30 years old. A flawless tan complexion framed his almost turquoise eyes, while dark, straight, shining hair, accented his angled face, Roman nose and long elegant neck. His body was made for his simply styled tailored silk suit, as it fit and moved easily with every part of him! He had beautiful manly hands and manicured nails. He was an apparition off the cover of GQ Magazine!
Reminding myself that I might be old enough to be his mother, I centered myself and prepared to connect with him, as he glided past me, and sat down. His eyes were direct, deep and serious yet at the same time sensitive and vulnerable. He'd refused my usual offer of a free half hour on the phone when he first called me, which is very rare. Thus, I had no clue why he came seeking inner change!
"I'm in trouble" he said in a low voice. "Okay, I said, That IS the norm in here!"
"What else?" I asked.
Instantly, his complexion seemed to turn a slight green in color! I immediately thought he might actually regurgitate right then and there, so I picked up my metal waste paper basket, just in case. I waited for whatever he would do or say.
He pushed out the words from deep within himself as if they were a baby, or even a bomb: "I have a prosthetic leg! I've never told anyone in my life before! No one knows, except my M.D. and my family. It's been eight years now."
I was shocked as his glided pace across my rug was dramatically soft, quiet, composed, and graceful! And I told him so! "That's the problem" he answered, as he taped his trousers with his pen, proving that a plastic prosthesis received the blows. "I've worked long and hard to perfect that walk, 18 months in fact, but now I wish I'd never been so proud or self protective!"
"Alex, tell me why it is suddenly so important to change all of that now," I said.
"I've met a wonderful woman!" he replied. "She's more than I've ever imagined I'd find, or even hoped for! And I can't tell her that I want her in my life for the long run! I'll have to take my clothes off one of these days. I need to find a way to tell her and stop hiding it! So far, I'm not able to do it! It has gotten in the way of my personal peace, and self esteem, big time! My hiding has become a real barrier, a frozen wall between us, and others too! Lately I can sense she feels something isn't right. And it's not!"
Perspiring, he slumped back into his seat. "Can you help me?" My mind raced and immediately I flashed on the Macrobiotic principal of Yin and Yang: with how successful he'd probably been in attracting women all his adult life, yet now he was experiencing the other side of the story. He'd realized his vulnerability and no amount of pretense, or self protection could save him from it! A second Macrobiotic principal named "The bigger the Front the bigger the Back" came to mind also!
So, I tuned to Alex and asked him, "Who or what in your life made you believe you had to be impeccable, perfect or flawless?"
His whole demeanor changed! I saw a 6 or 7 year old boy sitting in front of me!
"My father was high up in the Military. I was bred to be 'impeccable' from the age of seven years old! I always loved my Dad and still do! But perfect truly was the name of his game!
"I grew from it, I excelled in school. He coached me at sports and would even strategize my sports activities. I knew I was respected by him and all the adults in my life. But I never got to be carefree or careless, like my friends. As I became a man I always asked his opinion and he always directed me with good solid career direction and advice!
"But impeccability and perfection was his cornerstone in everything. When I lost my leg, he advised me to never let it show. 'Don't let the world know you are vulnerable!' I had benefited my entire life from his advice, so I believed him. We cried in each others arms. He was shaking with emotional pain for me. Then three days later, he had his first heart attack.
"Hey, I just realized, he was vulnerable, that's why he had that heart attack! Oh my God, he tried to never show it himself!
"Now I see that I can't hide anymore! It's killing my chances at a loving relationship. I don't want to feign perfection anymore. Kathleen is showing signs of questioning our liaison! I'm just too good at 'faking' perfection! I need to be vulnerable because I am vulnerable! I know that now, for sure! But how do I do it without losing my inner strength?"
I explained a process called Holodynamics that would be a perfect fit for his situation. The process would show him whatever decisions he had made long ago that were no longer serving him now. Then they needed to be "matured up" to their full potential so he could use their wisdom and power inside of him regarding his prosthesis! He'd also discover inner allies that would assist him in being able to relax about who he truly was, how he walked, and how he'd tell Kathleen about his leg.
He jumped at the idea. "How long would this take, Maryanna?"
Alex told Kathleen that he wanted to spend his life with her, and asked her to give him two months in therapy before he could completely open up to her, She understood how therapy works and agreed.
While facing all his past influences and decisions inside his subconscious mind, Alex saw how invested his Dad was that his son, Alex, be the "perfect candidate" for whatever he'd pursue this lifetime. However his Dad couldn't have imagined that his boy would become physically impaired.
Alex worked hard and found acceptance, honesty and forgiveness with himself and his world a more expansive, loving and comfortable path.
I knew I could help Alex because he was so ready to "bet the farm" on love! What better motivation could anyone have in life?
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