Empowered Relationships

By Sivan Garr

Relationships are precious. I believe that our relationships are the most valuable commodities we have in our lives. It is through our time with each other that we see and feel reflections of ourselves. This results in us beginning to see who we really are and grow into who we want to be. Specifically in love relationships, our feelings and experiences become even more essential to our evolvement. Your partner is opening their body and soul to you and exchanging a level of intimacy which is such a gift. It is in love relationships, that some of our biggest pain and challenges are manifested.

There are some simple, yet powerful approaches to relationships that can deepen, expand, and improve your experiences. If you try to follow these guidelines, even just a little, I have no doubt miracles will begin to happen! However, I would also like to say that every situation, person, and relationship is so unique that it is impossible to cover them all in this brief article.

BE TOTAL!

Many people tell me that they are just not sure about their partner. They want to know how they can be sure that this is the right person for them. Or, they say, "Only if my partner would do or change [fill in the blank], then I would be able to love them more." This stems from the fact that we are all so afraid of pain. We don't want to be too committed, just in case it ends.

We are not total in our relationships for many reasons. Fears and doubts are two of the biggest reasons. Even if we do not mean to, our words, actions and body language reflect the mistrust we feel. This creates a barrier to the fullness of the love from our partner. Additionally, our partner is then reacting to our unspoken message of doubt. If people do not feel totally loved and appreciated, they will be watchful, wary, and defensive.

The only way to know who your partner would truly be in a relationship with you, is to BE TOTALLY IN IT! You will never know what it's like to swim if you just sit at the edge of the pool with your feet in the water. You have to jump in! This does not mean you have to get married, live together or make any verbal commitments. It does mean that you would have to do your best to love that person like crazy. Simply let them know (in a clear manor) that you are with them and give them every indication that you are serious about building a relationship with them.

BE KIND!

Kindness is such a rare quality. If we somehow think we are kind, but we know we are not really practicing kindness, then we are very wrongly justifying being mean, short, or critical. Perhaps our lack of kindness stems from having a bad day at work, depression or frustration (really anything). Still, our partner bears the brunt of this and that does not bode well for a great, let alone happy relationship!

Make an effort to show kindness to that person as much as possible. Smile, be happy to see them, hug them, and offer kind words such as compliments or speaking joyfully about your life together. Ask yourself what it would look like to really show that you care for that person. What would it take to be patient and thoughtful in your responses? Imagine how you would like them to treat you. Then put these thoughts into practice with them.

If you feel that you cannot overcome your bad mood, you can find a myriad of other ways to process stress, tension, or frustration. Take a boxing class, martial arts, run or even try doing an art project. There are many ways to clear negative emotions and bring the positive ones to the surface! Remember that your home should be a sanctuary for both of you to come to, where you feel safe and nurtured.

BE GENEROUS!

Generosity has such an important, and at the same time, unrecognized place in the world of healing and healing relationships. Generosity can be controversial as well. Some people feel threatened that they will get taken advantage of, or that they will perhaps drain themselves by giving too much and not knowing how to say no.

Generosity is more a state of being. If you are exhibiting generosity, then your position is, "Your happiness is as important as my own!" If you are generous, then you say,""I want to have what I want and I want you to have what you want as well!" This is truly a very deep shift from the normal way of being. Generally, if we judge what someone else is doing, then we do not want them to do it (even if we know it makes them happy). In a way, generosity is, understanding that we don't know what is best for someone else.

In short, your relationship cannot be successful if your partner is unhappy. Therefore, each of us should be willing to support our partners in their lives and endeavors.

BE APPRECIATIVE!

Everyone wants to be seen and recognized for who they are and what they bring to the world and a relationship. I have worked with many couples, before and after break-ups. One of the biggest complaints people equally have about each other is that the other did not really get who they are and appreciate them for all they did.

Imagine that you want your partner to value who you are. You want them to be able to truly Ôsee' the deepest you. You want to know that their love for you is real and connected to your true self! Yes! Then you must see, appreciate and respect your partner for who they are!

It also is generous and important to tell your partner what you appreciate about them and how much they mean to you! Tell them about the small things, such as washing dishes, cooking dinner, taking out the trash. Also tell them about the big things, such as who they are in the world and what values they have that are important to you. Make sure your partner knows that you really value them and are excited about who they are!

COMMUNICATE WISELY!

What you say is very important. Be wise and mindful about the words you use when discussing issues with your partner. Certain words can create deep emotional wounds. Try to be more than clear. Be aware of the impact your words may have on your partner.

Here are some communication pointers:

• Don't ever name call.
• Don't throw insults.
• Try not to be passive aggressive.
• Before you say anything, in your mind, say, "I love you." before you speak.
• Keep your communication positive. Say things like, "I want to work this out." or "I know we can find a solution."
• Don't use threats.
• When approaching a difficult conversation, change your intention from wanting to get your way or be heard, to wanting both parties to leave the conversation feeling peaceful and satisfied with the result.
• Be very clear and real. If your feelings are hurt, instead of attacking, just start out by saying, "My feelings are hurt...".

Sometimes we are the meanest to those that are most precious to us. Remember, our partners are gifts. Treat them with tender loving care.

BE LOVING!

Love, love, love them! Love is the ingredient that creates magic and miracles. Love can heal any wound. Love can overcome any obstacles. Love is the draw for us connecting, being close, and being in a relationship.

Be creative! Write a love note to your partner every day! Bring in generosity, kindness, recognition, and beautiful communication skills all on paper! Don't forget to text, email, and send constant reminders to your partner about your love and dedication to them. Love BIG! Tell your partner you love them all day! Try for at least 20 times. Hug them, kiss them, and compliment them! We can never, ever, ever do these things enough!

Let your partner know how important they are to you and how much it means to you that they are in your life. Spend time with your partner as if your time with them is brand new and you are enchanted with their presence in your life.

If you are in a constant state of loving the one you are with, then that love will guide you through the difficult moments and challenges. That love will grow stronger every day. In love, there is no limit to how wonderful and amazing your relationships can be!

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