How To Transform Your Inner Critic

By Jay Earley

Jeanette had low self esteem; all her teachers wondered about this. She was musically talented, but had no confidence in herself. She never tried out for the orchestra or school plays. As she got older, this pattern continued and she ended up with minimal jobs. Every time she had an inclination to reach out and try something, she got a sinking feeling in her chest and gave up on the idea. She didn't believe she could amount to anything.

One day a friend was talking about a critical voice the friend had inside her. Something clicked inside Jeanette as she realized that she knew the voice her friend was describing. It lived inside her, too! It was saying things to her like, "You aren't any good. You can't do it. Don't even try." She had always just assumed that this was the truth about her. She had never seen it as a separate part of her that was giving her these harmful messages.

This part is commonly called the Inner Critic. Now that Jeanette became aware of how it was tearing her down and ruining her life, she got very angry at it and wanted to get rid of it. However, this isn't very effective. When we battle with the Inner Critic, it can just become more entrenched.

Using our approach, Jeanette explored inside and gradually got to know her Inner Critic. To her amazement, she discovered that this part was actually trying to help her. Even though it was causing hopelessness and depression, it was doing this in a distorted attempt to protect her. It wanted to keep her safe from failure and humiliation, and it figured that the best way to do this was to prevent her from ever trying anything difficult. It accomplished this by constantly judging and discouraging her.

However, once Jeanette realized that her Critic was trying to help her, her anger melted and she began to understand and befriend it. She developed a trusting relationship with it and it softened and became less harsh.

Jeanette also discovered a helpful part which we call the Inner Champion. It has the capacity to support and encourage us in the face of Inner Critic attacks. Jeanette was able to develop and strengthen this part that cares about her and wants the best for her. Her Inner Champion told her that she has a lot of talent and can accomplish great things in the world. She learned to evoke it when necessary and take in its support.

Her Champion said, "You are OK just the way you are. You can do it. I'm proud of you." This helped Jeanette to take the risk to develop her musical talent and try out for performing positions. She moved ahead professionally in a career that she really loved. As her Inner Champion took over for her Inner Critic, she became more self-confident and happier in many aspects of her life.

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