Shift the Beliefs that Hurt Your Relationships

By Wendy Lyon

Do you know the secrets to having a happy Valentine's Day and a love-filled year? One of the most important things you can do is to learn how to change harmful beliefs that keep you single and longing for love, or feeling stuck in a relationship that's not working.

How can we change these harmful beliefs?

You need to be aware of your beliefs in order to change them. Start by noticing all the assumptions you make automatically about yourself and others, and recognize that this pattern of unconscious thinking causes you harm. Stop and question those beliefs that you've instinctively assumed were true. For example, is it really true that you are not okay the way you are? Absolutely not! Does it help you to believe that it's true? No, it's hindering you.

Did you spend time carefully deliberating your choices and then consciously choose to believe that you are not okay the way you are? Of course not! It was something you picked up in your family, culture and society – perhaps at home or at school you were told you were too slow or lazy or fat, or maybe you compared yourself to magazine models or top executives and felt inadequate.

How would it feel if you no longer believed that you were not okay the way you are? A lot better!

Our automatic thinking can keep us stuck in confining stereotypes. For instance, women tell me that men are unexpressive while men tell me that women are overly emotional. Is this true? What happens when we make assumptions about the way "all men" or "all women" are? We lose sight of the uniqueness of individuals and miss out on intimate connections with real people.

Now you have a choice.

You don't have to keep the old beliefs that hold you back from the life and relationships you want.

You can be more deliberate and choose beliefs that empower you to change how you live your life, and how you relate to others. For example, my client, Lena, initially believed that she was fat and undesirable, and then shifted to believing that she was attractive and desirable, and now she is happily married, and thoroughly enjoying her life. Brian started out believing that he could never succeed at the kind of job he wanted. Now, he is confident and successful in his career.

These clients have been following my roadmap to success, which is based on shifting limiting beliefs to empowering beliefs. They are taking steps that allow them to create successful lives and relationships.

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