Forgiveness & Healing
Takes Many Paths...

By Maryanna Blair

I recently participated in the 13th Annual Forgiveness Event. People who have forgiven others of terrible atrocities or misdeeds tell their stories and are given awards for their ability to forgive. The Annual Awards have always been a real "jaw dropper," an inspiring celebration.

Halfway through the meeting, a young man in a wheel chair rolled up next to me. Chris wanted to "check out what this Forgiveness Event was all about, to make sure he wanted to participate." Team members explained the general purpose of the event, and named previous year's Award Winners. I offered one Winner's story: "Last year, a woman who received the Forgiveness Award, told us, that as a child of 6, she and her twin sister had been used for medical experimentation by Nazi physicians for several years. She remembered she wasn't even given a drink of water, when she was very sick from a procedure she'd endured. However, she strongly emphasized how her forgiving all of it had changed the rest of her life. It freed her from the burdens of those memories: anxiety, sadness, resentment and pain.

Turns out, Chris himself had been invited to receive a Forgiveness Award this year! Chris had been paralyzed by an assailant and was asked to share his story. As Chris told of being shot while at a music lesson, my heart jumped as I realized that I had been guided to the right place, and sitting exactly next to the "right" teacher of forgiveness for me! This was the boy that I had immediately bonded with spiritually, in my heart in early winter of '08. I'd heard on the news that an eleven year old boy was critically wounded while having a piano lesson. It had impacted me so deeply that I called upon the Power for Good in our Universe to wake us up now, to help us all bridle our fear, and our anger. We could be doing so much better for all of our children, in our world! Then I asked and wished with all my heart " May that boy have a wonderful, blessed life no matter what happened today!"

And what a beautiful, innocent, yet potent and fully human teacher he was for me! He shared quietly with our team his thoughts and feelings of when he awoke in the hospital and became aware of his condition. His grandfather, who'd visited him in the hospital, shared the powerful teaching of Christ, when Jesus had been asked about the process of forgiving by His apostles. "You have to forgive seventy times seven" his grandfather said.

Chris reasoned if the man who'd fired the bullet intended to hurt him, or anyone as a target, then it would be difficult to forgive him. But if this had been an accident, then he had to forgive him, because anyone is capable of hurting someone unintentionally! As his words hung in the air, I again felt blessed to be guided to this meeting and taught by the discernment, equanimity, wisdom and humility coming forth from this twelve year old boy.

What I have learned is that the Practice of Forgiveness, starts in our mind, with being aware of our judgments, in general, but particularly of ourselves and of others. If we have been regarded as, and considered ourselves "intelligent," we might have a good deal of confidence in our judgments of situations, others, or even political and social issues. We have to, and do make practical judgments every day. However, with over 38 years of meditation, 23 of them practicing Vipassana, which suggests that we "watch our thoughts," I have noticed that we cannot deny that our mind can shock us with what decisions, assumptions, attitudes it can assume and actions it can dictate, seemingly almost without our conscious participation! Or, in other words, anything that needs to be forgiven, or will need forgiveness from us or for us, I have found, usually starts with a judgment.

Yes, I love and trust my intellect; it has been a trusty tool this lifetime. However, my intellect doesn't know everything about anything. Judgments close us off from being open to discovering more about issues, others and ourselves if not looked into very deeply and with a heaping dose of equanimity! How much equanimity can we access when we are very vulnerable, stressed, deeply disappointed, worried, bitter, or paralyzed by exhaustion, fear or dread; all of which are common human emotional states? How much equanimity do we have when most of us have been directly affected, or may be affected soon, by the current financial crash, eight years of war and frustration politically?

So, we must remember that we are human, and we humans are fallible! We are also mentally and emotionally "conditioned" by so many influences: family, class, education, ethnicity, experiences, etc. We make mistakes! Many of our judgments are accurate but the human or "conditioned" part of me cannot be trusted with judgments of anyone, including myself, when I am not in my heart! But when I am in my heart, there is a wider, more refine, more expanded difference in what I see, think and, most importantly, feel! When I am in my heart I feel inspired to higher ideals and inclusive solutions.

Not letting go of resentments, terrible experiences, or losses can seriously injure our physical, emotional and social health. Holding grudges takes away our personal peace, can lead to long term depression, even alter our personality. Bitterness can depress our potential, both creatively and financially. Resisting forgiveness can limit our ability to enjoy our very lives, our own inner personal time with ourselves, as well, which lowers our self-esteem.

Secondly, we must accept the truth that we are the only ones who can stop ourselves from reinforcing the injury by allowing it mental and emotional "playback" time; thereby draining our life force, and inner peace, down the glutinous tunnel of endless resentment.

What can we do to access the wisdom of your heart? In my practice I often use Deep Belly Breathing, Meditation, Yoga, and Qi Gong, (which actually resets the nervous system), as well, Hypnosis, Visualization, and Prayer. These are tried and true paths to the heart's wisdom. Also, when at home we can practice mentally listing the relatives, friends or pets we have loved and having a conversation about that love in our mind. This practice can engage the heart's loving power to be palpable, and very self nurturing. We can sincerely ask our heart to help us forgive ourselves for holding on to old injuries or problems during a daily fifteen minute walk, or visit to a quiet place. We can allow ourselves to generate love to ourselves, everyone we know, to the planet, and to every living thing. We can recall that there may be people we may have hurt, knowingly or unknowingly, and ask for forgiveness for ourselves. Lastly we can ask to be guided on how to reset our minds to create the life we'd love in place of the old released grievances. All of these practices can be reinforced by creating recordings during deep Hypnotherapy sessions, which can be used at home to get to the root of your pain at times of "new" painful experiences or times of high stress. Marianne Williamson said regarding forgiveness, "You can have a grievance or you can have a miracle!"

If you are uncomfortable with the concept of a "Higher Power," Buddhism is still a wise teaching that supports and builds inner peace. It asks you to believe nothing and experience the results yourself. Several highly successful clients with demanding careers have been able to change their stress level during heated negotiations, or exhausting travel schedules by practicing breathing exercises which I learned from Thich Nhat Hanh. He would know! After growing up and living through 34 years of war in Vietnam, he has helped thousands Vietnamese and American soldiers regain their equanimity.

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