Controlling Evolution...?

By Sarah McCroskey

What gives rise to our desire to control... the world, our partner, our feelings, other beings? Is it a lack of control I feel that urges me to attempt to exert influence, externally? Is it fear that events or situations are out of control or somehow beyond my control?

Is it that I am in resistance to the idea or thought of "being controlled' by others? Perhaps my inner 2-year-old has taken the reins again wanting to "do it by myself!"

Control is an all-powerful urge within the realm of separateness. If I am, in fact, separate, then "inside me" and "outside of me" exist as distinct realities. I must effort and negotiate this interface if I am to achieve even a modicum of harmony.

But what of the idea of Oneness? If I am already of the Whole and honor and align with Quantum reality consciously and deliberately then "shouldn't" this conflict, this incessant mind chatter and emotional reactivity vanish?

I wish.

The very platform of human existence entails this strategy, the need to balance the "fields" if you will, of duality and unity     the realm my "humanness" experiences as a separation between "me" and "All That Is."

Reconciling this seeming separation intellectually is easy enough. My mind can relax into the idea that the field of All That Is is exactly that... ALL That Is. Of course I am included within that field, for no thing could, would or has ever been excluded from it.

But what of the gnawing symptoms, behaviors and emotional reactions that elbow my "truth" out of the way with such regularity and insistence? "Quit telling me what to do!" or its reflexive mirror, "Let me tell you what to do!" Or how about, "I need to do it or it won't get done (or done right)" or, in complete meltdown, "What should I do!!??"

What defines this dilemma is the unconscious backdrop to the whole show... "The sky IS falling and I can't act fast enough, do enough, know enough, be enough to correct it!!!"

But is this true? Where does this fear come from? Why can't my urge to control be neatly put to bed with what I truly do experience as the wisdom and truth of divine interconnection?

Perhaps it's because the fear of the conditioned mind is old, ancient in fact, and has been reinforced through lifetimes, generations     practically mythical and certainly archetypal - as an unexamined foundation to human experience and conceptual reality.

Perhaps it's because I have adopted, as well as carved my own likeness and paid my dues into a world culture that pretends that safety and belonging can be achieved and held certain if we just sacrifice our authenticity and freedom.

Perhaps, as in the Toltec analogy, used by Don Miguel Ruiz, we all have a painful skin condition, that causes us to be unbearably sensitive and adverse to anything that might touch us (and our emotional wounds) and that compels us to avoid "touching" others, as well.

Or perhaps it is a process, as Arthur M. Young puts to thorough enquiry in his tome, The Reflexive Universe, Evolution of Consciousness, a seven part evolutionary journey of all things, to move from pure light     an unencumbered, formless and vastly creative force - to form, structure, complex organism, self-reflective organism and back through stages of apparent constriction toward pure consciousness once again.

So perhaps we grapple, right on time, as a product of the evolutionary seed that lives within us. As we crack through the hull that has gotten us this far as a member of our species, our germination can feel painful or clumsy as our tender new roots and leaves reach through the fertile hummus and debris of literally eons of civilization. Our instincts and reflexes have been honed through generations of emotional and energetic patterning.

Maybe a gentle sense of allowing and patience are in order. Maybe unconditional self-love and encouragement are the proper ingredients during this transition     coupled with a passion for consciousness.

So, personally, I hereby choose... to hold myself tenderly while I willingly inhabit this container, nay crucible of living evolution.

For there is no pretending. We all came here on purpose at this time. We thought it all could run amok... Armageddon, that was a distinct possibility... and we came anyway, to see... could we change the collective course of humanity? Not through controlling, but through remembering, consciously, and then relaxing back into our interconnection with All That Is.

It is done. So enough with fear and the pretense of limitation. That false cloak has been shredded by our perseverance - our dedication, love and radiance.

It is only our small self, the out-of-date one that clings to control of this epic process. How would we control it or even want to? Does a tadpole "figure out how" to transform into a leaping frog?" Does an acorn control its way to becoming the towering oak? Of course not. They innately trust the timing and guidance of Nature.

It is only when we forget our interconnection to Nature and our Earth home and attempt to control the cycles and spirals of a cosmic timing that we get out of sync, experience separation, fear and doubt.

For in truth, how could any one of us, compacted light, the miracle of the joining of two cells, pretend that returning to pure love and consciousness     while still embodied is not enough?

In-dwelling this loving, vast realization of Self must be the first step. Then, and only then, we express through our being     birthing a living reality into form.

This is the dream of the Ancient Ones, the Great Return, the stirring of the Goddess - our joint and sacred vision. And it shall indeed be... Heaven on Earth.

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