Beliefs That Impede Relationships

By Wendy Lyon

What are some of the common beliefs that impede us in our relationships?

There are many, and I'd like to share seven impeding beliefs that I've heard repeatedly, that consistently detract from our relationships with ourselves and others.

1. Probably the most common belief that impedes us in our relationships and in our lives is I'm not good enough – variations include I'm not young enough, attractive enough, rich enough or smart enough. Basically, the belief is that I'm not okay the way I am, and I should be different. When we believe we're not okay the way we are, we beat ourselves up, push ourselves to be different and feel discouraged and unhappy.
2. Another common impeding belief is I can't have what I really want, so I should just settle for what I can get – in a romantic relationship, in a job or both. This is a popular belief, and many of us give up and feel resigned to our lot in life. We think we need to accept whatever relationships show up, and we are afraid to take risks and try something new. Most of us don't even stop to ask what we really want.
3. A third belief is Relationships are dangerous and can hurt me. Maybe I was hurt, disappointed or rejected before, so I believe I'll be hurt, disappointed or rejected again. If I believe relationships are dangerous and scary, I'll avoid getting too close to anyone.
4. A fourth impeding belief is Relationships will take care of themselves and don't need my attention. If I believe my relationships will take care of themselves, I will focus my attention on the things I think are more important like work, money or my hobbies. I'll be too busy to pay much attention to how I relate with the people in my life.
5. A fifth common belief is It's not safe to be open and direct and tell people how I really feel and what I really want – because I may be hurt or disliked. If I believe this, I'm careful, cautious and strategic in my relationships with others. I'll keep secrets, withhold information and play games.
6. A sixth impeding belief is Others are to blame for my problems. If only you were different, I could be happy. If you changed, my problems would go away.
7. And finally #7 Relationships should just happen spontaneously. I should know everything I need to know about relationships without asking.

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